Guilt {Motherhood Challenges Series}

Before becoming a mother, I knew of the great responsibility that comes with the role. However I did not know that some of my biggest faults and challenges will come out of hiding and, having another human being in my care, be magnified by like a hundred. 

I've always struggled with guilt. 

Constantly feeling guilty for simple things that I choose to do for myself, my family and what others think of me. I mean, it's difficult being a people-pleasing perfectionist with guilt-ridden mind.

Since motherhood is a constant choice of parenting methods, feeding schedules and sleeping styles it's hard not to look at other moms and think 'how do they have it all together?'

People tell me that I only have one, that it's nothing compared to multiple kids. And maybe they are right. Maybe I'm just a big wimp and maybe I don't know anything but let me tell you something: it's hard.

It's hard enough with only one baby.

Having a community of other mamas, going through exactly the same thing you are going through sure is helpful but at the same time, we only things on very surface. I have fallen prey to letting others think that I'm the best mother out there; that I have it all together.

Most of the time I don't.

And since I'm doing it wrong one time or another, guilt is something that gets me down every time.

I feel guilty for not nursing until 99 months old. Although I'm still doing it and supplementing with formula, there are mamas out there who don't let their kids have a drop of formula. 

I feel guilty for taking time for myself during the day and letting him just play and whine a little on his own.

I feel guilty for letting him cry it out when he just doesn't want to do anything else, given that he's fed and changed. I taught him how to fall asleep on his own, but even that was heartbreaking at first. Letting him cry for five to ten minutes is hard enough but when I hear someone else say that you should pick your baby up every time he cries, just about puts me in tears.

I feel guilty for not taking enough family photos and missing his first laugh  Not taking a video of his first cry or whatever else important may have happened and I didn't have camera on hand.

I feel guilty for wanting to leave him (at mere four months old) with my sister, so hubby and I could go away for a few days. Although it didn't happen, people look at me with shock for not wanting to take the baby along with us. I feel guilty for being so selfish.

I feel guilty for forgetting to pick up my baby from the nursery the very first Sunday we went to church. I mean, who forgets they have a newborn? Apparently I do.

I feel guilty for wanting to go to work and not just be stay-home wife and mama. I hear people say that I should just enjoy him right now, which I absolutely do. Though, at times, I need to feel like I'm a grown adult with other interests besides what color his poop is or what new food should I try feeding him.. 

I feel guilty for not having enough patience with him when he just wouldn't eat those peaches; or when he doesn't want to go to sleep according to my schedule; or when his whining is driving me nuts. 

I feel guilty for getting too busy and not taking time to pray. To pray for my family, my little boy, for wisdom and guidance because I sure need it.

I feel guilty for not playing with him when I have chores to do, or simply not getting home for his bed time. 

I feel guilty for not spending enough time with hubby and constantly focusing on Jonathan. Even our conversations come down to what I do during the day and how long Jonathan naps.

All these things are every day challenges that mothers (read: I) face and I'm sure I'm not the only one. 

Or am I? Please tell me I'm not, so I can stop thinking that I'm crazy.

 With all the perfectly edited and filtered Instagram baby pictures (they don't have any food on their little bow ties and their hair is perfectly combed), I think it's time to get real. 

Life isn't perfect and we all have to deal with issues, we are all in the same boat. It's good to know that you are not the only one dealing with challenges and storm of emotions running through your postpartum body. That other mamas too give their babies formula, let them cry it out, play by themselves, don't have enough time for anything, forget their baby in the nursery, can't wait for 8 o'clock and want to escape the house sometimes. 

God has been teaching me patience. He has also been humbling me big time, showing me that I'm just like everyone else, that I don't have it all together, that I need Him every day. More then ever. 

At the end of the day, I pray God will guide me through and help me do my best. Although, when I don't succeed at times, there's always tomorrow and He will be there too. 

In The Fields

dress: TJmaxx
shoes: Aldo
belt: thrifted

We finally managed to have some family photos done. We did couple shots when Jonathan was 3 months old but now that the summer is almost over, I wanted to capture some memories. With a country feel and a relaxed atmosphere, summer nights are perfectly warm and the sunsets are glorious for a nice shot.

 It's really difficult to get a good picture with an infant. When hubby and I are smiling and look into the camera, Jonathan is having a time of his life and playing around. 

Out of a hundred shots, only about five are good to be framed. My sister took the pictures and I still have to go through them and edit them - the price of free family portrait. 

I can't wait to make some canvas prints and hang them in my living room because those bare walls still need some major decor adjustment.

How are you doing with recent family photos? Two years behind or snapping pictures of every poop your kid makes? I'm somewhere in between.
Time flies so fast and with babies you really have to be sure to capture special moments before they are all grown up. It really is a bitter sweet time - loving the new and exiting memories we make but sad to see these moments go.

P.S. Pictures coming soon. Still have to do a lot of editing. 

With a Twist

blouse: Forever 21
skirt, belt: Target
shoes: Ann Taylor
bag: Nine West

I've been really bored with my hair lately. I had the ombre, then I decided to chop it and make it one color. Being home all day with an infant who's pulling on your hair every chance he gets, it's hard to wear anything but a high pony. 

So every time I'm going out to the store, church or anywhere else for that matter, I'm looking for a fun way to style my hair. I've attempted this hair style and it wasn't half bad. I really want to try this but I have very thick hair which ends up looking awful. 

Watching a bunch of YouTube videos I have forgotten about this easy up-do. When I looked at this girl inspiring hair and outfits, it clicked - French twist. Takes about 5 minutes to do and great for warm weather or simply picking up the hair. Add a strand of pearls and you look polished in a matter of minutes.

Loving the classy and 'grown-up' look of this outfit. 

How is your hair doing lately? Many bad hair days or glamorous up-dos? 

Thanks for stopping by.

Crab Cakes {Recipe}

I love crab cakes. Who doesn't? Every time I'm at a restaurant, I'm looking for these delicious bites. If done correctly, you can experience pure, unadulterated crab cake heaven. They are that good.

So I've never made these things before because I figured all fancy restaurant food must take a lot of work and expense to prepare, plus high in calories. Well, not so much.

I mean, first I substituted the imitation crab and then baked these in the oven instead of deep frying them. My recipe comes from combining couple different sources - this video and recipe. Make yourself a double batch and enjoy them with purple cabbage slaw. Delicious!

I made a double batch so if you only need one serving, half the recipe.

Cakes:

-  1 egg

- 1/4 cup mayonnaise

- 3 green onions

- 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce 

- 1 tbsp Dijon mustard 

- 1/2 tsp thyme 

- 1 tbsp chopped parsley 

- 1/4 tsp garlic powder 

- 1 tsp lemon juice

- dash of cayenne pepper

- pepper

- 16 oz lump imitation crab meat (if you can splurge, buy the real stuff)

- 1/4 cup of panko crumbs

 Combine mayo and egg and whip until it's evenly incorporated into smooth consistency. Add the rest of the ingredients through crab meat and whisk together. Next separate the crab meat into small lumps and add to the mayo mixture, add panko and gently toss to combine. Don't over mix. Put the mixture into the fridge and cool for 30 minutes. 
Take it out and shape the crab cakes into 2 inch patties. Place them on a lightly greased baking sheet and bake under the broiler or in 500F oven for 10 minutes. No need to flip.
Serve warm with purple cabbage slaw. 

Slaw:

- 1/2 cabbage head 

- 1 carrot, julienned 

- 1/2 tsp salt

- 1 tsp sugar

- 1/2 lime zest

- 1 tsp mayo

- 1 tsp sour cream

- large pinch of chopped cilantro

Finally chop cabbage, add salt and sugar. Working with one hand and holding the bowl with another, squeeze the cabbage until it becomes soft. Let it rest for couple minutes.

Add rest of the ingredients and toss to combine. 

Thrifty Chic

top & skirt: Thrifted
shoes: H&M

Thrift store shopping is probably my favorite kind, because you never know what you will find. Sure there is lots of junk out there and you have to look really close but in the end, it's worth it. Other times it's not.

When thrift store shopping, I have bought items I thought I needed and things there were too big/small in hopes of altering them myself. That never happened. 

One thing I do when I'm looking through the isles of unneeded clothing is stand out patterns, one-of-a-kind pieces and timeless classics. And of course the fit.

When I spotted this skirt, I loved the striped pattern but wasn't sure if I wasn't going to fit into it. The white top was a no-brainer. 

If you aren't sure about thrift store shopping give it a go on an off night, or with a friend who knows her way around. Then dig in and pay close attention to all the details, tags and patterns. Take your time and you will be surprised what you can find!

Happy Hump Day! 

Linking up with What I Wore Wednesday and Random Wednesday

Unplug

dress: Lord & Taylor
shoes: Aldo
clutch: H&M

I'm about to simplify my life.

Lately it has been (very) busy.Yes, I know you hear that all the time but it's true.

 Saturday morning hubby was home and we were all sleeping in (trying to at least). When Mr. Baby woke up we took him with us to bed and he was rolling and cooing all over. But both hubby and I kept reaching for the phone and checking whatever it is we are constantly checking. Then it hit me - this is ridiculous! We can't even play with our child without checking the phone all the time. 

This has got to stop!

We live in information overload age. If you not sure of something, all you have to do is Google it and bam, here is your answer. Constantly having multiple apps, email and blogs available on the phone is making this life a lot more stressful and complicated.

Comparing your life with someone else' Instagram account is driving us crazy because we are never satisfied with ours, constantly on the run and always distracted from 'real' life. 

I decided to change that.

From now on I will only be checking Facebook, email, Instagram and my blog once a day! To keep my sanity in tact, make sure I spend enough time with my family and focus on the important things in life (like having everyday devotionals), I  am going to set a time once a day where I check all the media outlets and pay all the online bills (if necessary). That way I don' have to feel  guilty about time spent online knowing that everything else taken care, that I'm not being idle wasting my time. 

I'm sure it's going to be hard at first because it's a habit and I do need to turn off all the notifications and stop constantly checking for comments on the blog. 

Enough said.

Let's make life simple again.

Have a great day!

Glimmerglass Queens (and a Prince)

Last weekend my sister, mom and NkI headed out for a gals (and kids) day out. We took a boat ride and strolled through the streets of one of the prettiest towns in Upstate New York. It was a gorgeous day for being outside and exploring, having some delicious bakery and watching the kids' reaction to water. Here is our day in recap.

Jonathan slept through half the boat ride, then attracted every grandma on the boat with his adorable smile.
Must be nice.

My mom, niece, sister, Jonathan and I (love his look)

We barely made it to our first ever boat ride. It was pretty awesome.

All hands on deck. Or in the mouth.

My niece rocking the rich and snobby look.

Must pose for outfit picture.

Must pose for outfit picture #2

Cool old fashioned theater turned into a store. Fo' shame.

There is something behind the closed gate.

Apparently this guy is famous. 

The architecture in the old town is always very romantic.

Have a great weekend!

Linking up with Style Elixir, Her And Nicole

In Between

tee: Loft
skirt: J.Crew
clutch: H&M
heels: Rampage

My body has been kind of in between lately. You know the stage where you don't have the big belly anymore but not quite back to the pre-pregnancy weight yet? Yep that one.

Until yesterday that is...

I fit into my favorite pair of denim shorts, (not just zipped the fly while not breathing) and I could actually comfortably move in them. It was a long awaited victory.

For some of you ladies, post baby weight loss may come easily and you spring back into shape the moment you pop that baby out, but others (mere mortals like myself) have to work for it. 

You become a mom, have new responsibilities, have another human being fully dependent on you and yet, have to look slim and sexy day two postpartum. Well, give yourselves a break! 

We do a lot and have the hardest job in the world, so if the baby weight isn't off yet, it's OK. 

Since when being a mom became a sexy role anyway? 

I've been really hard on myself. Beating myself up for gaining too much weight during pregnancy, not loosing it fast enough, for not getting everything in the house organized, for not taking Jonathan outside more, for not spending more time with hubby and more. The point is, the list never ends and I still feel overwhelmed no matter how much I got done.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves and our families by trying to be everything for everyone. The most important thing though, is being happy from within. Your family and you will benefit from it more then from seeing skinny, hungry mom running around and having carrot sticks, while miserable.

Put those carrot sticks to good use- make yourself a carrot cake dear. Have a slice. 

Don't you feel better already?

Now go get on that treadmill and work them calories off.
Haha.

Jonathan //6 months//

Daddy's teaching you to stand strong and tall

Celebrating your cousin's birthday. All pink and not sure it all. Poor guy.

Handsome little dude. #toomuchcutenessinoneface

I honestly didn't see this day coming so soon. It's your half birthday! Should we get a half of cake? Since you can't have any, we will enjoy something delicious on your behalf dear. 

So 6 months...Where did the time go!?

I remember trying to teach you how to latch on and now I'm stuffing that face with green beans, which you still aren't huge fan of.

Dear boy, you are growing way too fast and yet not soon enough.

You are such a happy baby, I can't believe how many fears I had about having a child but you have proved a lot of them wrong. 

You sleep like a champ, eat like a hungry monkey and enjoy playing by yourself. Now that I know you more and what ever cry, wine and smirk means - life is becoming easier. I don't worry that you will be screaming your lungs out in Walmart or that you won't take the bottle and I will have to nurse you right there in cereal isle. It's like we have our own rhythm and get along very well.

Of course, you have your days and I have my moments but over all, you are one easy-going baby. 

You are rolling all over the floor and sitting up a little too. You love your cereal and don't mind the bottle. But most of all, you still love to nurse and actually will get kind of cranky if you don't get a nursing session in any given 5 hours. And there I thought you will be weaned by 6 months. Yeah, so that didn't happen.

You have the most adorable and contagious laugh I have ever heard and yet most of the time, you are one serious fella. Every grandma loves you but you get very shy around strangers and turn away with a cute smile. Such a heartbreaker already!

You are ever so curious and love looking around, going for long walks and exploring new surfaces and places. You are also a lot more sociable and don't cling to me all the time, which is good when I have to leave you in the nursery during church services. You are fascinated with all the kids there and I'm pretty sure soon it will be your favorite place.

We had a small struggle with getting you used to falling asleep in your crib during the day. You have such a stubborn personality already and a very strong will but finally you got used to it. Now if I see you getting tired and rubbing your eyes, all I have to do is give you a bottle and put you in the crib where you fall asleep all on your own. Such a smart kid. 

It's such a fun time watching you take everything in and explore this new and exciting world. 

Daddy and I love you very much.

We pray for you to grow big and strong, to know God and love others.

Happy half a birthday son!

Don't Give Me Excuses. Give Me Results.

top: Target
skirt: Dorothy Perkins (dress)
heels: Guess
glasses: DNKY

Welcome back! 

How was your weekend? Mine was busy.
#pleasestoptime

I've been meaning to wear this dress couple of times but every time it was a little too... hmm how should I say it? Too much booty.

Well, with me loosing weight and all, it's finally fitting just right. I love the feel and color, but it's still a bit too dressy for simple Sunday outfit. It was a bit chilly in the morning, so I dressed it down with a blouse.

Apparently, the diet has been working. Can I get a woohoo? 

Woooohooo!

I did one week with no carbs and no dairy, and then another week were I ate a little bit of bread and rice here and there (I did splurge on French Toast once). It's been amazing to see results! 

Now I'm back to eating pretty much everything but still limiting sweets, ice cream and carbs, while focusing on veggies and whole grains. 

Also, I take walks as much as I can. Jonathan loves taking naps and I get my exercise - it's a team effort.

I am on the roll and loving it.

Are you currently dieting? Trying to loose that last belly fat? 

Do share your secrets people!
And have a great day!

Funk

tee, flats: Target
jacket: Gap
skirt: J.Crew
glasses: DKNY

I feel like I'm so behind with the fashion this summer. It's already August and I'm just getting to wear my summer whites. How lame is that? Pretty lame for a fashion blogger, I must say.

Well, better late than never right? Right. 

It's not that I don't have enough clothes, I just don't have the inspiration to put new combos together. I find a shirt that works and stick with it instead of trying new things.

 So you could say that I'm kind of in a closet funk and feel like I don't have very versatile pieces. That's what happens when you spend one  month's budget on two dresses that can only worn for special occasions. Don't get me wrong, I love the dresses but need more special occasions to wear them to. Date night it is.(hoping hubby is reading this;-)

Have a great weekend and thank you for reading!

10 Inexpensive Date Ideas

source

Every year as I get older, the longer I'm married to my man, the more I realize, that I know very little. I thought, every year you were supposed to get better at this thing called life, no?

I don't know much, but I do know that couples that intend to stay together in the 'happily ever after' need to work at the happy part to make sure the ever after actually happens. And when I'm saying 'stay to together' I don't mean to survive the torturous coexistence next to each other. No. What I mean is to have a friend and a lovable companion at the end of your life to enjoy the golden years. For that my friends, we need to invest in the relationship now.

Well, having a mortgage, car payment, bills, couple of kids and maybe even school loans does not allow for fancy restaurants, horse carriages and weekend getaways. But being romantic and affectionate does not require a lot of money - just a little imagination. And probably some food. 

Here are some affordable ideas for you to sweep the love your life of her/his feet (without braking the bank).

1. Instead of having a boring lunch at home, grab a picnic basket, pack the food and head to a local park. Find a gorgeous view, spread the blanket and have some lunch. Talk, read a book together or simply take a nap. 

2. Head out to the local library. Browse book stands, find something you are both interested in then retrieve to a secluded, quiet spot and read the book together. I bet you won't even remember what was that book about;-)

3. Want to go to a fancy shmancy restaurant? Sign up for deals at such website as Groupon, join the restaurant's e-mail list to stay informed of their promotions or go there for lunch. Expensive restaurants tend to be more affordable in A.M.

4.Dinner and a movie. Make simple dinner and look on hulu.com for free re-runs of your favorite shows. You can even have fun with finding the dumb, funny, cheesy, longest running or stupid shows.
Have fun with it!

5. Transform your bedroom into a getaway retreat by setting it up as a hotel room, complete with number on the door, mints on a freshly made bed (use crisp white cotton sheets), a huge stack of towels and a few fizzy bath tablets in the bathroom (for an instant Jacuzzi), nice stationery and a pen (for writing each other love notes), a bottle of something chilling in an ice bucket, and room service. (source) 

6. Have a game night. Pull out all of your board games for a friendly night of competition. Be sure to have some treats for the occasion, like homemade salsa and chocolate covered strawberries.

7. Go to a thrift store. Each person gets $10 to spend! See who ends up with the best item(s)!

8. Have a restaurant hop by ordering only appetizers at couple different restaurants you have never been to and don't want to risk paying for a full meal. That way you can try something new and not spend a lot of  money on a dinner you may not like anyway.

9. Go to a farmers market and explore what your local vendors have to offer. You can find a lot of free samples and cheap foods, interesting entertainment and fresh air.

10. Head to the bookstore when very few people are going to be there (like Monday), grab a cup of joe and walk through the aisles together, showing each other your favorite books, bonding over the books you both hated, and flipping through a Kama Sutra book for ideas for later ;-)

Hope these ideas will motivate you to have fun and schedule a date with your spouse. Have a great day!

Winding Down

top: Talbots
skirt: Thrifted
heels: Ann Taylor
clutch: DIY
necklace: Forever 21

According to the calendar, it's almost the end of summer and New York haven't even had real summer yet. We had non-stop rain the entire month of June, then it warmed up a little. But all the rain made the humidity get out of control, so that the only possible way of survival was inside, under an air conditioner. 

By the way, a blessing I am extremely thankful for is the central air conditioning system.

 It's absolutely amazing. I'm giving props to all the people who don't have A/C. I don't know how ya'll live.

We started having gorgeous weather last few weeks and now the days are warm and nights are cool. It's really beautiful out and yesterday was one of those days. We enjoyed it mostly by going to church, staying inside and (not) taking a nap because a certain someone with cutest chubby cheeks and beautiful grin decided that he will wake up every half an hour just to keep us on our toes.

Summer is winding down, so enjoy the beautiful weather by going to the park or having a picnic under a tree, take a bike ride or a trip to the beach. I know that I'm going to take advantage of this gorgeousness. 

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a great day!

New Do

top: Target
pants: Gap
shoes: Kate Spade
bag: Target
glasses: DKNY

Ever since I had baby Jonathan, my hair started showing signs of a nursing mother. It has been falling out at a crazy rate, and, frankly, I'm surprised I still have some of it. Seriously! 

Giving birth to another human being takes a toll on your body in so many ways, but I did not expect shedding to start. My hair grew to be very long and heavy, so there would be long brown packs in every corner of the house. It was even in Jonathan's diaper. Poor little guy.

I liked the ombre very much and was sad to let it go but I needed a change. 

To make sure that all the ends are evenly colored, I decided to chop them off and now feel so much better. A gorgeous day, new haircut, fresh pedicure and a stroll in a park marked it to be one of the better days.

How are you gals liking the new do?