New Year. New Life. New Hope.

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I might have mentioned before that this year has been challenging. HARD is not the word for it. 

There have been heartaches and disappointments, but also there has been laughter and joy.

The year 2012 has been the most eventful year of my entire life and among all those things happening around me, I've watched, learned and grew as a person.

Sometimes I wonder if we encounter sadness, heartache and pain not only because it's a sinful, imperfect world but because we need to learn to appreciate the joys of life. I mean a new kind of gratitude and peace. 

It's hard being forgotten by your own father when you are in your 20s, I can't imagine how must children feel when their fathers don't want anything to do with them for their entire lives. It gives a whole new meaning to love of a family. It makes me appreciate the little family that I have.

We lose people we love, go through breakups and yet we come out stronger.

All that is for teaching us, for showing us how much our Heavenly Father loves us.

I don't know what 2013 holds for me (for our family) but I know that there is joy coming.

One tiny bundle of joy is scheduled to arrive some time in the next five weeks. :)

 I know that heartaches will heal, that hearts will soften and relationships will blossom.

Personal goal: be a friend. I feel like in the hassle and bustle of life, I forget to take the time to care for someone else. Outside of my immediate family. There is a lot of 'me and mine' but  how good is my life if it doesn't shine passed my own gate?

Personal challenge: tackle motherhood. The overwhelming responsibility of being mother is exciting to say the least. It's all new, it's all inexperienced, it's all pure joy.

What are your goals for 2013? 

Quick Hello

Merry Christmas to all!
I'm a little late on that one,  I know.
We moved in our new home over last weekend and still have no internet connection.
We are buried in boxes but enjoying our new home.
I will be back soon.
Have a safe and joyful holiday! 

It's Not The Number

Just showing off my cute pregnant belly...
Love you baby boy...

There are lots of things on mind and none of them involve taking a picture of my outfit.. 

It's more of a reflection on myself...

One thing is for sure - I have some body image issues. I mean, who doesn't? But when you think that 'number' on the scale is the definition of slim, pretty and cute, you are ohhh so wrong.

 It's soooo not the number.

 I thought that once I'm married, I wouldn't have those issues. After all, I'd have a man who adores me and loves my body just the way it is. Nope. Wrong. Not skinny/slim/fit/ enough.

Then, once I'm pregnant, for sure, I will let my body do its thing. After all, I'm carrying another life inside me and he needs some extra calories. So a few pounds of extra weight for the great cause won't make me cringe when looking at the scale. Nope. Wrong again. Gaining too much weight. 

The problem is not the number on the scale but how we see ourselves. 

A healthy body image is not just a word for me, it's something unattainable. I felt that if I was ever satisfied with my body, you will let myself go and become a fat pig. But that's (probably) not true. 

Looking at yourself and realizing that you are not Gisele Bundchen is one thing, but another to constantly see faults that make you feel like you hate this body. 

Not a good attitude towards yourself. It makes you an unsatisfied person. And that transfers into everything - from your butt to the men bagging your groceries at the store.

An unhappy way to live that starts with not liking the size of your butt only because you can't fit into size 2. 

Last thought.

God gave us the bodies that we posses. Wow! This puts the entire blah-blah-blah psychological nonsense into a whole another perspective. So if I don't like how God naturally created me, with all my flaws and faults, I'm saying I don't like what He has done. But God knows best. All of his creation is very good. 

Therefore, I'm wonderfully made (Psalm Bible reference). 

Thank you Lord for making me just the way I am.

And thank you for this wonderful little life growing inside me. 

Mr. Chipmunk Called. He Wants His Cheeks Back

sweater: J.Crew blazer: thrifted, jeans: Motherhood Maternity, booties: Old Navy

At some point, the denial has to stop. And that point is when you look at my cheeks and think I have something in my mouth - well I don't. That means I have gotten to the point of significant weight gain and there is no way to stop it. Maybe just accept it.

I have seven more weeks to go and this maybe the time to stop taking pictures of myself to commemorate on this. But this is why I started the blog in the first place - to show real women being real.

Part of that reality is getting fat chubby cheeks and dealing with it. My hubby calls me 'his little Pooh" and I don't know if I should find it endearing or be insulted. 

In any case, those cheeks are staying for now. Get used to them.

Have a great day and thanks for reading!

Different Perspective

top: Forever21, cardigan: Gap, skirt; Motherhood Maternity, shoes: Payless

It's getting cold outside. 

I've got a case of sore throat and a broken heart.

I feel like last weekend, I've taken this tragedy very differently. 

When you don't have children, yes, it's tragic; yes, it's sad. But when you are a mother

 (or about to become one) it just simply physically hurts. 

Knowing that one of those days your little one is going to go to a similar school, sit in similar classroom and as you agonize over the fact that something like this can happen again. 

You stop believing in the world with good people. 

You just want to crawl into a giant hole and have enough canned goods to last you a life time. 

But that's not the reality. That's not the world we live in.

So let's take responsibility for our children. Teach them, love them and send them off to the world with bad people. World where they can be the good people. 

Becoming a mother does change you forever. 

It gives you a different perspective on life, on what's important. 

Life is a precious gift. Family is most important. Love is boundless. And God is still good to all of us.

Exceptions

dress: thrifted, shoes, tights: TJMaxx, bag H&M,
32 weeks pregnant belly

For some odd reason, everyone of us wants to be the exception. Not the rule.
 But exceptions are just that - very rare occasions outside of the norm.
So whenever I was listening to the pregnancy tales of "this is going to happen to you too", I never thought of myself as being the rule. Well, couple of things were exceptional (i.e. lack of morning sickness, no crazy food cravings) but the third trimester is different. 

I have awful backaches. 

My feet swell from being mobile all day long. 

I get up to pee-pee at least twice at night. 

I get heart palpitations just thinking about the amount of stuff I need to get done before our boy arrives.

Hormones are doing its thing - I'm driving my hubs crazy.

To name just a few.

I'm thankful that everything is going well and baby is healthy, as well as I am. Even with everyone around coughing and sneezing, I haven't gotten sick. 

So to sum up - it's going well. 

No exceptions anymore.

Gifts Under $25

Magic Wallet in Calf Hair J.Crew

Tortoise Shell Reading Glasses

Purple Flower Clip

Delicious Start to Your Day - Breakfast Recipe Book

Fair Isle Trouser Socks

Capri Blue Mercury Glass Candle

Printed Oxford Umbrella

Sweater Lined Slipper Boots

Hand Made AUTUMN Wrap Watch

 Long Silver Tone Rhinestone Owl Necklace

       

Chevron Indie Sunglasses Case           

Decisions... Decisions...

sweater: TJMaxx, shirt: Ralph Lauren, skirt: J.Crew, shoes: Payless
(31 weeks pregnant and wishing I could wear Pjs all the time)

So this whole buying-stuff-for-the-baby thing is exhausting. I'm not sure what's harder picking out hard wood floors or a stroller. Definitely the stroller. Then you need a car seat, glider for nursery, bottles, diapers, wipes, blankets, swaddling cloths and whole lot more. 

My hubby and I are both perfectionists (he's to a lesser degree but still in denial) so we scan almost everything with the phone app and look online for the reviews (and better deals, of course). 

So we were buying swaddling sheets and between couple choices of cotton and muslin, we stood in the baby isle for about ten minutes checking the reviews. Yeah, talk about perfectionists. After thorough consideration and mini discussion, we decided on muslin.

Next on the menu, picking out a travel system. There are many requirements and different criteria that we want it to meet and, in a way, we are probably over doing it a little. But it's our first, and we are nutty parents,  maybe just a little. So for now, we are going to research the living days out of every single thing. 

I think we are becoming those parents. 

And that's just scary.

French Onion Grilled Cheese {recipe}

Have you ever had this "Duhhhh" moment when you think to yourself 'Why haven't I thought of this earlier?'. Well I had one of those when I saw the recipe for this an amazingly delicious grilled cheese sandwich. It's the perfect combination of sweet and salty, crispy bread and melty cheese. 

Ohhhh my! Just talking about it makes me want to go whip out another batch. 

Plus, like I say in almost all my recipes - it's so easy to put together.

Ingredients
- 5 red onions
- 2 tbsp of butter
- 1/2 lb of thinly sliced Swiss Cheese
- 1 tbsp of balsamic vinegar
- 1/2 cup of red cooking wine
- french baguette
- thyme
- salt and pepper to taste

Cooking Process 
Makes 4 sandwiches

 Chop up the onions roughly, you don't want to dice them as they will cook down and will be very mushy. Melt the butter in a bottom-heavy sauce pan and add the onions. Leave the heat on medium and keep stirring the onions through the cooking process. 

 Cut the bread into 1/4 in thick slices and arrange 2 pieces of cheese on each side. I mean it's grilled cheese after all so you may want to pile on. Also, get the good stuff, something with tang and perfect sweetness - you don't want to ruin this puppy with domestic Swiss. That's just a sin.

Keep stirring the onions and when they start to wilt, turn up the heat just a notch. The goal (which my hubby said I failed to achieve this time, because he cooks the french onion soup in our family and it's absolute french perfection) is to have your onions start caramelizing on high heat. When you start seeing the purple color on the edges of the pan start browning, that's the sugar from onions coming and almost starting to burn. That's when your onions are done. They will cook down in volume a lot. 

Add the balsamic, wine and thyme and keep stirring to let all the liquid evaporate for another 5 minutes. Once the onions don't have anymore liquid (they will be very mushy though), turn the heat off and set aside. 

Spread about 2 tsbp of onions on one side of the bread, add salt and pepper and cover with the other. 

We didn't add any salt into the onions so at this point they are very sweet. Do a taste test and see how much salt you want in them.

Heat up a panini maker or just good ole-fashioned skillet and  spread a little butter on the outside of the sandwich. Heat it up until the cheese is melted and starts sizzling.

Enjoy! 

Winter Wonderland Baby Shower

Entrance Sign

Table setting and window decor

My sister and I

from left to right: my aunt, mom and MIL

All the wonderful gifts 

Cutest diaper cake one of my friends made for me

Snow Baby Cake

Sister-in-law and I

I had most wonderful time at the baby shower thrown by my mom (with help of friends) last weekend. 

It was amazing! 

Everything from decorations (Winter Wonderland Theme) to food and presents was just the best. I felt so loved and cared for, plus I didn't have to do anything for this fete. It was more formal with sit down dinner and fun games, then opening of presents and desserts.

 Everything was matching and color coordinated, not to mention very well organized. 

I am so happy to know that my baby boy is so loved and cared for. I'm so thankful for such a wonderful family and amazing friends that made that day special. 

Merry Berry

sweater: Target, blazer: Banana Republic, skirt: thrifted, heels: BCBGirls, 

So the mamma over here is growing by the hour. We are almost at 31 weeks and he's super very active. I mean, it looks like I have a Rocky-in-da-making in there - you can see the belly bounce. Like a lot.

It's becoming very real with all the baby shower gifts and diapers all over our house. Hubby doesn't really appreciate all the ruffles on the bassinet, but there are no manly bassinets out there. So the kiddo (and the daddy) are going to have to make peace with the most adorable bassinet that my friends gifted me.

On totally different note, I'm loving the berry color right now. It feels like I'm wearing a little bit of Christmas, and that's just very merry berry. 

Have a great day! 

Pretty in Polka

top: Target. khakis: Gap, shoes: Aldo, necklace: J.Crew(via Ebay)

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

 Everywhere I go... 

Except we are getting some warm temperatures up here... And I love it! The longer I can wear my non-winter clothes, the better. On the other hand, I love seeing all the Christmas decor up. Unfortunately, this year I won't be decorating much because we are in the middle of a move and it's going to  take a while. 

Although, no snow and 60s? I'll take that over any decorations...

Have a great day and thank you for reading!

Spinach & Cheese Rolls {recipe}

Once in a while I find a recipe that's just easy to make and really yummy. Then my mom finds it tasty (which happens very rarely), and it becomes a winner.

These rolls are super-duper easy to make. You can put anything you want inside but this is my take on the 

Spinach and Cheese Rolls.

Makes about 30 rolls. 

Ingredients:

2 sheets of puff pastry (I used Pepperidge Farm)

1 bag of spinach

1/4 lb of turkey pastrami (or ham)

1 cup of shredded Parmesan cheese

1 egg

1 tbsp of water

1tsp of olive oil

garlic and onion seasoning

Preparation:

Thaw the puff pastry according to package instructions. Cut the pastrami into small pieces, then fry the spinach with 1 tsp of olive oil just until it starts to wilt. 

Roll out on sheet of dough on lightly floured surface. Take a pin roller and smooth out all the edges. Don't roll the dough too much or it will become too thin. 

Beat the egg with water and s=brush the surface of the dough. Evenly spread half of the pastrami, spinach and cheese.

Roll the dough tightly into a long cannon, then cut pieces with extra sharp knife (about 15 pieces)

*The thinner you want your rolls to be, the less stuffing you should use, as they won't cook through with all the cheese*

Lightly oil a baking sheet or aluminum sheet and spread the rolls evenly on a pan. Brush each roll with the egg and water mixture.

Bake the rolls on 400F for about 15 minutes, then turn them over and put back into oven for another minute or two. Be careful not to burn them on the other side, as you just want the cheese to brown a little.

Cool the rolls until you can handle them with your hands and enjoy! 

Santa, Baby...

Been an awful good girl...

yeah...yeah...yeah...

 no matter how good you are, this is just a wishlist

(that's probably not going to happen)

1. Tory Burch Riding Boots in Almond
2. Marc Jacobs watch
3. J.Crew Etta Cap Toe Pump
4. Target Lallaby Glider Rocker (blue stripe)
5. GAP Flannel Pajamas
6.  J.Crew Collection Cashmere Sweater
7. Kate Spade NY  Cobble Hill Finley Bag
8. Kate Spade NY  Brightspot Avenue Lacey Wallet
9. Kate Spade NY Jumbo Jewels Necklace
10. J.Crew MacAlister Wedge Boots

I absolutely love Christmas season. And with it being December 1st tomorrow, I think, it's time to start working on your wishlists. This on is just that - a wishlist, that only leaves to hope for the best. 

Next week I will have couple of posts with all kinds of gifts - from cheap to absolutely to-die-for. So if you have time, and like to drool over some of the most incredible designer pieces (well maybe except Gap pajamas, that's just so my hubby's life is a little easier) take a look at some of my picks. 

I want - the oversized golden watch by Marc Jacobs. It's an accessory that can be worn practically with everything.
I need - the rocker/glider for our baby's nursery. I want to nurse therefore need something comfortable that's going to support me for hours on end. 

So hurry down the chimney tonight

Feeling Blue

sweater: Gap, blazer: thrifted, jeans: Liz Lange Maternity, shoes: TJMaxx,  necklace: NY&Co

 Sometimes feeling blue is perfectly OK. Staying at home in your PJs and drinking hot cocoa. Or simply hanging out in bed and watching all your favorite movies. 

On the other hand, when feeling blue and staying home isn't an option, why not wear your feelings on your sleeve? Literally.

I love the color of this jacket and how it goes with practically everything. Add to that a 100% wool material and you got yourself a favorite.

So is feeling blue in blue helps?  

You decide.

What Color Is That?

sweater: J.Crew, blazer: Gap, skirt: thrifted, shoes: Aldo, necklace: uknown

Between my mom and my sister, and couple of other people in church, the color of my tights have been misinterpreted. It's a mustard color people, which I, for one, think goes perfectly well with teal, but apparently I had Jaundice legs. 

I must say that it takes huge amount of energy to find something that fits now-a-days. Therefore, scarves, jewelry and different color tights are the things that un-blah my clothes. Honestly, I feel more comfortable in a skirt then jeans (weird, I know). So my work uniform is skirt, heels (still) and sweater.

But the college is over in two weeks (yay) and I can just live in my soft pink PJs, which my hubby says make me look very homey (whatever that means). 

I guess that's better then Jaundice legs. 

The Best Cheesecake {recipe}

{the dessert table = 4 pies, a cake, cheesecake and zucchini  bread}

{the best cheesecake yet}

I consider cheesecake to be one of the hardest recipe out there because there is so many things that can go wrong. First, it should be moist but not overly so; then it should rise and not fall shortly after you take it out of the oven. Also, it should have this rich and creamy consistency from the first bite until the last. Well, all that is hard to achieve but not impossible. Introducing, the best recipe out there and probably the best cheesecake I've ever made. 

Recipe courtesy of Paula Deen (with a a few of my changes)

Ingredients

Crust:

• 2 cups graham cracker crumbs 
•  stick of butter, melted
• 1/4 cup sugar

Filling:

• 4 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened
• 1 1/2 cups sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch 
• 1 (16-ounce) container sour cream 
• 1/2 cup freshly squeezed orange juice
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract 
• 6 eggs 

Topping:

• 6 tablespoons butter (1 stick)
• 1 1/2 pounds (about 3 large) Golden Delicious apples, peeled, cored, and cut into 1/2-inch cubes
• 1/2 cup chopped pecans
• 1 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup heavy cream

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Wrap the bottom and sides of a 10-inch springform pan tightly with foil to prevent moisture from the water bath from seeping into the cheesecake

Crust:

In a food processor (or with a fork), mix the graham cracker crumbs, butter, and sugar. Press the mixture into the bottom and halfway up the sides of the prepared pan. Bake the crust for 10 minutes, then remove it from the oven to cool completely.

Filling:

In a food processor or with an electric mixer, mix the cream cheese, sugar, and cornstarch until smooth. Add the sour cream, orange juice, and vanilla and blend until smooth. Beat in the eggs, one at a time, blending until just combined. *Cook's Note: It's important to blend well with no clumps as this will make the filling a smoother consistency when baked.

Pour the filling into the crust. Put a roasting pan on a rack in the center of the oven and transfer the cheesecake to the pan. Fill the roasting pan with hot water to come halfway up the sides of the cake pan and cover it loosely with foil. Bake until the center moves only slightly when the cake pan is shaken, about 1 hour and 45 minutes. Check the water level about 1 hour into the baking, adding more water, if needed. Leave the cake in the oven for another 15 minutes after turning the oven off. Carefully remove the pan from the oven and transfer the cake pan to a wire rack to cool. Refrigerate overnight.

Topping:

Melt the butter in a large skillet over high heat. Add the apples and pecans and cook, stirring, until they are coated with butter, about 2 minutes. Add the sugar and stir until the sugar dissolves and the liquid comes to a boil, about 3 minutes.

Using a slotted spoon, transfer the apples and pecans to a bowl. Reduce the heat to medium-high and cook the remaining liquid, stirring often, until it turns a deep amber, about 6 minutes. Remove the skillet from the heat to stop the cooking and add the cream. Be careful, as the cream may splatter. Return the skillet to the heat and bring it to a boil, whisking constantly. Remove the sauce from the heat and stir in the apples and pecans. Allow to cool until lukewarm.

Spread the caramel-apple mixture evenly over the top of the cheesecake. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Use a knife dipped in hot water to cut through the cheesecake.

Thankful For... The Little Things

sweater, boots: TJMaxx, skirt: thrifted, scarf: H&M, glasses: Loft

We are so blessed to have many material things, all the things we need. More over, we have pretty much everything we want. 

I'm so thankful for...

having my own vehicle

my computer, phone and other technology gadgets that help to make my life easier

the heat and hot water I have in my house every day 

my favorite Kate Spade NY bag

the daily abundance of food on our table 

being able to afford entertainment and fun things to do 

definitely Pinterest (I cannot live without it anymore)

the smile I see on my hubby's face when he looks at my belly - he's such a proud daddy

my little niece and her adorable chubby cheeks - love her to pieces

maternity jeans - the best purchase so far

our cozy new house

being able to have ultrasound - I don't know how people wait nine months to find out gender

feeling my little one move constantly

pancake breakfast with the hubs

sunny fall day... perfect for running errands

Thank you for reading this blog and being a part of my life!
Have a great and joyousThanksgiving!