New Year. New Life. New Hope.

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I might have mentioned before that this year has been challenging. HARD is not the word for it. 

There have been heartaches and disappointments, but also there has been laughter and joy.

The year 2012 has been the most eventful year of my entire life and among all those things happening around me, I've watched, learned and grew as a person.

Sometimes I wonder if we encounter sadness, heartache and pain not only because it's a sinful, imperfect world but because we need to learn to appreciate the joys of life. I mean a new kind of gratitude and peace. 

It's hard being forgotten by your own father when you are in your 20s, I can't imagine how must children feel when their fathers don't want anything to do with them for their entire lives. It gives a whole new meaning to love of a family. It makes me appreciate the little family that I have.

We lose people we love, go through breakups and yet we come out stronger.

All that is for teaching us, for showing us how much our Heavenly Father loves us.

I don't know what 2013 holds for me (for our family) but I know that there is joy coming.

One tiny bundle of joy is scheduled to arrive some time in the next five weeks. :)

 I know that heartaches will heal, that hearts will soften and relationships will blossom.

Personal goal: be a friend. I feel like in the hassle and bustle of life, I forget to take the time to care for someone else. Outside of my immediate family. There is a lot of 'me and mine' but  how good is my life if it doesn't shine passed my own gate?

Personal challenge: tackle motherhood. The overwhelming responsibility of being mother is exciting to say the least. It's all new, it's all inexperienced, it's all pure joy.

What are your goals for 2013? 

Quick Hello

Merry Christmas to all!
I'm a little late on that one,  I know.
We moved in our new home over last weekend and still have no internet connection.
We are buried in boxes but enjoying our new home.
I will be back soon.
Have a safe and joyful holiday! 

It's Not The Number

Just showing off my cute pregnant belly...
Love you baby boy...

There are lots of things on mind and none of them involve taking a picture of my outfit.. 

It's more of a reflection on myself...

One thing is for sure - I have some body image issues. I mean, who doesn't? But when you think that 'number' on the scale is the definition of slim, pretty and cute, you are ohhh so wrong.

 It's soooo not the number.

 I thought that once I'm married, I wouldn't have those issues. After all, I'd have a man who adores me and loves my body just the way it is. Nope. Wrong. Not skinny/slim/fit/ enough.

Then, once I'm pregnant, for sure, I will let my body do its thing. After all, I'm carrying another life inside me and he needs some extra calories. So a few pounds of extra weight for the great cause won't make me cringe when looking at the scale. Nope. Wrong again. Gaining too much weight. 

The problem is not the number on the scale but how we see ourselves. 

A healthy body image is not just a word for me, it's something unattainable. I felt that if I was ever satisfied with my body, you will let myself go and become a fat pig. But that's (probably) not true. 

Looking at yourself and realizing that you are not Gisele Bundchen is one thing, but another to constantly see faults that make you feel like you hate this body. 

Not a good attitude towards yourself. It makes you an unsatisfied person. And that transfers into everything - from your butt to the men bagging your groceries at the store.

An unhappy way to live that starts with not liking the size of your butt only because you can't fit into size 2. 

Last thought.

God gave us the bodies that we posses. Wow! This puts the entire blah-blah-blah psychological nonsense into a whole another perspective. So if I don't like how God naturally created me, with all my flaws and faults, I'm saying I don't like what He has done. But God knows best. All of his creation is very good. 

Therefore, I'm wonderfully made (Psalm Bible reference). 

Thank you Lord for making me just the way I am.

And thank you for this wonderful little life growing inside me. 

Mr. Chipmunk Called. He Wants His Cheeks Back

sweater: J.Crew blazer: thrifted, jeans: Motherhood Maternity, booties: Old Navy

At some point, the denial has to stop. And that point is when you look at my cheeks and think I have something in my mouth - well I don't. That means I have gotten to the point of significant weight gain and there is no way to stop it. Maybe just accept it.

I have seven more weeks to go and this maybe the time to stop taking pictures of myself to commemorate on this. But this is why I started the blog in the first place - to show real women being real.

Part of that reality is getting fat chubby cheeks and dealing with it. My hubby calls me 'his little Pooh" and I don't know if I should find it endearing or be insulted. 

In any case, those cheeks are staying for now. Get used to them.

Have a great day and thanks for reading!

Different Perspective

top: Forever21, cardigan: Gap, skirt; Motherhood Maternity, shoes: Payless

It's getting cold outside. 

I've got a case of sore throat and a broken heart.

I feel like last weekend, I've taken this tragedy very differently. 

When you don't have children, yes, it's tragic; yes, it's sad. But when you are a mother

 (or about to become one) it just simply physically hurts. 

Knowing that one of those days your little one is going to go to a similar school, sit in similar classroom and as you agonize over the fact that something like this can happen again. 

You stop believing in the world with good people. 

You just want to crawl into a giant hole and have enough canned goods to last you a life time. 

But that's not the reality. That's not the world we live in.

So let's take responsibility for our children. Teach them, love them and send them off to the world with bad people. World where they can be the good people. 

Becoming a mother does change you forever. 

It gives you a different perspective on life, on what's important. 

Life is a precious gift. Family is most important. Love is boundless. And God is still good to all of us.