Thoughts On Feeling Like a Failure

I have been thinking a lot about what have I accomplished. Not just in the last year but in my entire life. Looking at other women my age and those even younger, at those with, what seems like, better marriages and celebrity-worthy closets I got jealous. I started feeling pity for myself because I don't have a thousand people following after two years of blogging, every item in my closet does not have a J.Crew label on it, my husband is not a freelance photographer who takes pictures of me for living and my baby's outfits are not Instargam-worthy.

I'm just a married girl with baby in tow who has a blog. I write half legible sentences of incoherent thoughts and post pictures of simple outfits. That's it. I'm not sensational or original. In most cases I look to Pinterest and other blogs for inspiration. I carefully plan out all of my blog outfits and take a million pictures of baby for that one cute grin.

And so I've been feeling sorry for myself just a little bit for a couple of reasons. I don't have a career and I'm not rising to the top of corporate ladder. I haven't made a huge following for my blog and I don't have very inspirational thoughts. I don't have a 'wow factor' with every outfit and I cannot afford Valentino rockstuds. (Google it if you must). Feeling like I don't have anything to show for my life, like I haven't accomplished much has taken over me.

It's easy to feel inferior and like a looser by looking at other people's blogs, families, business, children or what have you, through the prism of social media. Most of the time we do not see the whole picture. We get caught up in the covetous state of mind because let's face it, our culture pushes for it. I see a lot of 'currently coveting' posts and none 'look I'm happy with what I've got' posts because we are always looking for more. That makes us compare our lives with others' and when it doesn't line up with a tiny snapshot of reality, we feet like we failed.

That is absolutely not true.

Behind heavily edited pictures, polished looks, staged family photos and perfect lighting there are people. People who have faults, who fail and who don't have it all together because I surely don't. And that's OK. It's OK to be ordinary and just myself. It's OK to be living an ordinary life, raising babies, loving my husband and growing old. It's OK to be grateful for what I have and do the best I can with the life that God gave me.

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise

 (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Goals

I know, I know... I'm almost a week late with this post but here it goes. Every year I make some kind of resolution. Whether it is to read Bible more or exercise three times a week, inadvertently I seem to fail, oh I don't know, the second day. I've made some personal goals by taking stock of 2013 and re-examining the year.

01. KNOW THE LORD

Many of us, as Christians, know of God and what He represents but we don't take the time or put enough effort to really know Him. I'm one of them. It's easy to go through the motions of church, ministries and talk of Christianity but a lot harder to actually live it. I don't want to get more spiritual or have better prayer life (although both are good), I simply want to know Him better.

02. GROW A STRONGER MARRIAGE

Every so often I pledge to spend more time with hubby, have meaningful conversations and go on more dates. In reality, everything else gets in the way and now with a baby in tow, it's even harder to make time for each other. This year it's going to be different. It is not just an intention and good thought, but a realization that good things take work. More work than I have put in it so far. 

03. BE HEALTHY

This is a big one. It's not just to exercise every day or go on a diet but have a healthy life style. Everything, from what I eat to what I watch on TV, has to have a positive impact on my life to be part of it. To be healthy means not just be free of physical illnesses but have a positive state of mind and well being.  

04. TRAVEL 

I love to travel and see new places, especially with the ones I love. Be that a short drive to a neighboring town or trip abroad, living to experience interesting places is the new goal. I have one life to live so need take advantage of the time and youth while I can enjoy it. Oh the places I will go!

05. LIVE IN THE MOMENT

I'm a master at planning. The moment I wake up, I have a plan in mind -  what I'm going to do that day, that week and even month. This year I'm determined to live in the moment and be present with my mind in every minute of every day. I want to enjoy every moment of my life without worrying that it doesn't fit into a well devised plan.

P.S. We are in frozen country right now so outfit pictures aren't coming your way anytime soon. The only thing that I'm wearing right now is a puffer jacket and rabbit hair snow boots. Yes, it's that bad.

That's all for now!
Thanks for stopping by.

Christmas Recap

Christmas Eve at my mom's house...

My sister with her daughter...

The ladies with the babies... Can you tell they love each other? 

The only decent picture from opening presents ordeal...

It was a mess... Someone had to step in... 

She loves her first doll...

Jonathan with his auntie...

Me with the stinkers...

This may be a little confusing. From left to right - my niece Zoe, my cousin Andre and my son Jonathan. Yes it's an interesting family we have ;-)

Christmas day at Sergey's parents... 

Goofing around... 

Love my sis (in-law) can you tell?

Family picture time. Again. 

To recap - Christmas was fun this year. It was also hectic, and loud, and fast, and sweet. It was mostly very different from all the other Christmases we had. Having our own baby and two more on my family's side, Christmas Eve was nothing short of exciting (to say the least). The plan was to let babies open the presents, feed and put them to sleep so adults could have a nice sit down dinner. That didn't happen. Nobody wanted to sleep and everyone was up. Christmas Day was spent at my in-laws house and it was nice. Festive lunch, opening of presents and sitting by the fireplace until late at night. After the much needed break from blogging I'm ready to start the year, with some changes and goals in mind. 

Thank you for stopping by and have a great weekend!

Last Look at 2013

So many things have happened in 2013. We moved into a new house, we had our first baby and celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary! I can't believe that this year is already over but I'm looking forward to what the new year has to bring.

Hope you have a happy and safe New Year.

...And a Happy New Year

dress: Tahari, boots: Ann Taylor, clutch: DIY, 

Hope you are having a great Christmas week. I hate that Christmas lasts only one day and have every intention of stretching it out. Of course, with New Year looming just on the horizon, we tend to take stock of out life and make plans for the next one. 

Well, this year has been amazing and most challenging of my life. With many changes taking place, I'm not the same person that I was a year ago. I've grown and experienced some amazing things - motherhood and another change of address being some of the most obvious ones. But there were also things that humbled me as an individual and brought a lot of joy to my heart.
I'm looking forward to what the new year brings and hope you enjoy the life that God gives you today.

See you in 2014 gang!