What It Takes To Keep Marriage Going Strong {Love and Marriage}

Back in the year 2006 CE brand new 18 yr old was beyond happy to get her own phone. She bragged about it at her youth group. She was giving it to one of her girlfriends when a boy sitting right next to them memorized it on the spot. That night he texted her and kept her guessing for a while who he is. She had no clue that this handsome, older guy liked her. They talked for a while on the phone and texted ridiculously sweet and mushy messages. Then they went out on a date. He says it wasn't a date but he did pay so, it's official - it was a date. She liked him. He liked her. And it began. Love story of a lifetime.

Our story.

We dated for 9 months before he proposed and another 5 months of engagement. Then on a gorgeous summer afternoon nine years ago we got married. It was the best decision we ever made.

Fast forward a bachelor degree, blog, house and two kids later we are nine years and running.

Newlyweds have asked us, what keeps it going? What does it take to have a solid marriage? One word. Commitment.

I mean it. It's not the lovely fuzzy feeling, it's not the physical attraction, it's not the financial stability, it's not even religion. It's you.

How much do you want it?

In the last nine years we've had some awesome highs and very low lows. The lows, of course, no one talks about. But don't fool yourself. Behind every pretty Instagram photo and family Christmas card is a story of forgiving, loving and committing.

The commitment to our family, to my husband, to our kids and to our life no matter what. No matter if I'm feeling 'in love' or simply living next to each other. The commitment to never give up on each other.. The commitment to lead and to follow. The commitment to put in the work when it requires and to let go when you must. The commitment to grow together and to love each other. The commitment to honor the vows and never look another way with desire for someone else. The commitment to love the Lord our God and obey Him. The commitment to bring out the best in each other and support each other. The commitment when you don't feel like doing it, but you do it anyways. 

The commitment to us. 

Of course, it sounds simple but that's exactly what it is.

Anything we want in life takes work, perseverance and commitment. It's no different with marriage. In fact the success of a marriage depends on our ability to do the mundane tasks over and over again without ever thinking to give up.

Marriage takes choosing to love that person no matter what. It's a choice. Every single day.

Some day I must choose to look beyond the ugly and choose that person again. And again. And again.

It's not easy. I will probably want to give up. You will want to give up too. Someone else's marriage will look like it's doing amazing,  and my isn't. But it's not about them. It's not even about my spouse. It's about me.

What will I do?

What I do regardless of what he does. My response to who he is my own and cannot be excused by who he is. Only because someone is mean, I do not have the permission or the right to do the same.
We teach our children to be nice and kind to strangers, not to answer back with impolite word but somehow we forget to apply it to our own marriage. 

So, if I'm responsible only for myself and not how the other person acts, I must train and learn to behave myself. I must learn to walk with the Lord and love Him with all my heart before I attempt to change or point out faults in another person. I must learn to be the person God wants me to be and walk that walk every single day. 

I choose you darling, every day. I choose our life and our love. I choose to commit and never let go.

Happy anniversary dear.

I love you.

Keeping the Sparkle {Marriage}

To be honest, last few weeks have been really (really) exhausting, physically and emotionally. We both got sick in the middle of a home remodel. The quick remodel turned out to be a two-month-long project which is still not completely done. We were both short and grumpy most of the time, exhausted from the amount of work that needs to be done and regular household duties. My pregnancy hormones and constant backache didn't help the situation. Add to that a few disagreements and you have yourself completely miserable people. 

And so we were...

5 Things That Make Our Marriage Great

Sometimes life over takes us. We get so busy with everyday things and responsibilities that we forget to take the time to look at our lives and just be thankful. My husband and I are far from perfect and we have our share of problems but I need to remind myself once in a while why I chose this man. Here are a few of the many things that make us so perfect for each other.

1. We put God first. In our lives, in our ministry, in our parenting, in our relationship with each other. I know that my husband can never make me happy 100% of the time. He is a human being and as such he will make mistakes. No matter how much I try, my marriage will never satisfy me spiritually so making Lord God my priority and source of joy, makes things a lot more stable.

2. We are committed. In our 6+ years of marriage, we have experienced some very high peeks of happiness and low points of disappointments, but we've gone through it all together. Knowing that no matter what happens, we are together definitely brings peace into my heart. It's one thing knowing it in my head, and totally another, going through it. Sharing life's greatest and worst moments together brings us closer to each other every day.

3.  We are best friends. If there is one thing that I love about us, is that we've always been best friends. I know that I can talk to my husband about anything, get honest advice and encouragement. We don't have secrets and we share our lives with each other. There isn't an area in our lives that we haven't covered at one point and if something is on my heart, I know that I can go talk to him. It's the best part of our relationship and I wouldn't have it any other way.

4. We have the same views on life. We share the same views on a lot of things in life - from parenting to taste in food, some of that comes from cultural similarities. Other parts are from living together and rubbing off on each other. In the end we really do understand each other very well and don't have to argue about religion or politics, or even which restaurant to go to because we agree on the same things. It makes life a lot easier knowing your partner understands you completely and although we do have disagreements, major things are covered.

5. We aim to please each other. *Cough* As a married couple we enjoy each other very much. The intimacy and closeness is important to both of us and we are certainly on the same page. I know a few couples who have very different views on intimacy and it definitely brings conflicts into the marriage. We strive for mutual satisfaction, in all areas of our lives but having a partner who 'gets you' makes intimacy that much more special.

Thank you so much for stopping by! 

For Better and For Worse

When I go through perfectly edited blog posts and see nicely done family photos, I start to think that some couples have it all together. Their kids look great on Christmas cards and their Instagram accounts are just a mile-high pile of perfect corners of their house. How do they seem to have it all and I have a snotty infant and a messy kitchen? 

First I got jealous but then I got real. We only show what we want on this little space and paint the image we want others to see. It goes with everything from clothes to children to bedtime stands. Yes, great images and perfect posts help build following and people may PINterest the heck out of your images but that's not real you they see. They see a version of you, and usually it's the best version. 

I, for one, don't have it all together. There are times when I feel discouraged by the smallest following ever, feel angry at my husband for not being a bit more sensitive and run out of patience with my son. We are far from perfect and that's something I want to share

We started as any couple - full of dreams, hopes and aspirations. I really thought that we were different than everybody else, that our story was special and the love we had would keep the fire burning forever.          But I was naive, young and very wrong. 

Fire will not keep burning unless you keep putting firewood into it. If you keep burning on the first love logs, soon the fire will die and you will be left with nothing but cold coils. 

Behind every outfit, lovely smile, and baby picture there is always a story.

The cute pictures of Jonathan at the park have a less then perfect behind the scenes story. 

We started the day off with nice family breakfast and as I was cleaning up, hubby went outside to rake leaves. The weather was gorgeous and I thought we could go for a nice walk. I asked him, and he said, later. Fine. Later it is. (I probably had a little bit of attitude there)

I thought we would go the park near by, take some pictures of Jonathan, enjoy the warmth of the autumn sun and just hang out as a family. My husband on the other hand, thought that I meant walk around the neighborhood. So we were bickering and getting impatient about who said what, and in the process, I forgot to grab diapers and a bottle for Jonathan

Then, of course, I had to do my make-up and hair and was taking a little longer than he thought was appropriate amount of time to get ready to go to the park. 

(We have very different ideas about time limits, apparently)

As we got into the car and drove off, I realized that the stroller was still in the garage, as I took Jonathan for a walk the day before. We had to turn around and go back for the stroller, as husband reminded me about my absentmindedness yet again.

Needless to say, by the time we got to the park, we were in less than pleasant mood. 

But those are the times when it takes some work. 

It takes a calm and gentle voice of one person to bring the other one back into the good place. To remind yourselves, that everything is OK and the most important part is that you are together. 

I have to admit, it's not easy. Sometimes, I fail at being gentle and calm and blow up like a hot air balloon. Other times, I'm full of love and good intentions and nothing seems to bother me. 

Life is full of those moments. But it's the ability to learn, to moved passed it, to enjoy life in every way, to laugh at the weird parts and to forgive each other for the mistakes. I'm still working on that.

After all, we sighed up for better and for worse.

10 Inexpensive Date Ideas

source

Every year as I get older, the longer I'm married to my man, the more I realize, that I know very little. I thought, every year you were supposed to get better at this thing called life, no?

I don't know much, but I do know that couples that intend to stay together in the 'happily ever after' need to work at the happy part to make sure the ever after actually happens. And when I'm saying 'stay to together' I don't mean to survive the torturous coexistence next to each other. No. What I mean is to have a friend and a lovable companion at the end of your life to enjoy the golden years. For that my friends, we need to invest in the relationship now.

Well, having a mortgage, car payment, bills, couple of kids and maybe even school loans does not allow for fancy restaurants, horse carriages and weekend getaways. But being romantic and affectionate does not require a lot of money - just a little imagination. And probably some food. 

Here are some affordable ideas for you to sweep the love your life of her/his feet (without braking the bank).

1. Instead of having a boring lunch at home, grab a picnic basket, pack the food and head to a local park. Find a gorgeous view, spread the blanket and have some lunch. Talk, read a book together or simply take a nap. 

2. Head out to the local library. Browse book stands, find something you are both interested in then retrieve to a secluded, quiet spot and read the book together. I bet you won't even remember what was that book about;-)

3. Want to go to a fancy shmancy restaurant? Sign up for deals at such website as Groupon, join the restaurant's e-mail list to stay informed of their promotions or go there for lunch. Expensive restaurants tend to be more affordable in A.M.

4.Dinner and a movie. Make simple dinner and look on hulu.com for free re-runs of your favorite shows. You can even have fun with finding the dumb, funny, cheesy, longest running or stupid shows.
Have fun with it!

5. Transform your bedroom into a getaway retreat by setting it up as a hotel room, complete with number on the door, mints on a freshly made bed (use crisp white cotton sheets), a huge stack of towels and a few fizzy bath tablets in the bathroom (for an instant Jacuzzi), nice stationery and a pen (for writing each other love notes), a bottle of something chilling in an ice bucket, and room service. (source) 

6. Have a game night. Pull out all of your board games for a friendly night of competition. Be sure to have some treats for the occasion, like homemade salsa and chocolate covered strawberries.

7. Go to a thrift store. Each person gets $10 to spend! See who ends up with the best item(s)!

8. Have a restaurant hop by ordering only appetizers at couple different restaurants you have never been to and don't want to risk paying for a full meal. That way you can try something new and not spend a lot of  money on a dinner you may not like anyway.

9. Go to a farmers market and explore what your local vendors have to offer. You can find a lot of free samples and cheap foods, interesting entertainment and fresh air.

10. Head to the bookstore when very few people are going to be there (like Monday), grab a cup of joe and walk through the aisles together, showing each other your favorite books, bonding over the books you both hated, and flipping through a Kama Sutra book for ideas for later ;-)

Hope these ideas will motivate you to have fun and schedule a date with your spouse. Have a great day!

My Lover Is Mine, And I Am His

'So it's not gonna be easy. It's going to be really hard; we're gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me... everyday.'

/Quote/

The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that's what you've given me. That's what I hope to give to you forever. 

/Quote/

Friday we celebrated our 5th weeding anniversary.
 I honestly can't believe it's been five years but it has been truly amazing! We weren't able to go away (kid troubles) but still took a full day off to relax and pamper ourselves. 
Fancy shmancy lunch to start the day (insta), then massage and spa relaxation, finishing off with delicious dinner. We did have plans to go see a movie but baby Jonathan didn't think so.
He refused to be put to sleep by grandma and was demanding his daddy (he usually puts him to sleep).
We came home early and instead of watching a screen and not looking at each other, we were able to spent some quality time together.
It was great to just get away for a day and focus on each other.
Happy Anniversary Love!

How Far Are You Willing To Go To Please Your Man

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about any shades or any gray nonsense here but what you are willing to do within reason to be attractive to your man. 

I may sound old-fashioned and anti-feminist but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. 

Who do women dress for? Do we dress to stay attractive to our men or do we buy designer labels and try to fit into size 2 dresses just to show off to other women? 

Hubby tends to think it's the later and lately I've been inclined to think that too.

Let me back up a bit.

Ever since I got pregnant, my body started changing and taking some unwanted forms (hello stretch marks?). Unwanted is a very understated word. Those changes were hated with passion.
 Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to bring a life into this world. Only it wasn't so wonderful to see my body take a hit and show clear signs of aging. I've complained and lamented over my baby weight to my hubby a few times too many. 

He kept saying that I'm even more beautiful to him, that he loved my body as it was and on and on. Sounds like a sweet guy eh? Well, did I believe him? Of course, not. 

I wanted to fit into size 2. I wanted to show other gals at church that I've lost all my baby weight. I wanted to wear a-line skirts for goodness sake. I wanted to wear all the latest blogger fashion hits (leather pants anyone?). I wanted to wear my hair in a top-knot, without it accentuating my filled in cheeks. 

But it wasn't happening soon enough.

After an honest conversation with hubby,  reading this post and couple girlfriends on this topic, couple things became very clear.

Men don't care about latest fashion.

Men don't care about size.  

When a wife is dressed nice, a husband isn't going to ask her where she got that hot dress that accentuates her size 8 curves from. He will pay her a compliment. He will tell her she looks sexy. 

The end of story. 

Well, maybe the story continues but behind closed doors ;-)

Women on the other hand? A whole different story.

Women care about the labels.

Women care about the latest trend

Women care about the price tag

And most of all, women care about what other women will say/think about them.
Don't deny it. You know it's true.

We, the female species, know that men are very easy to please. As long as men are fed and their women look good (whatever that entails for your man),  have some sexy time (ya know what I mean?) they are set for life. Yep that's all.

So if you know that your man doesn't care about J.Crew, loves to see you in heels, can't stand the top-knot and has an aversion to giant jewelry (i.e. statement necklace), would you give it all up?

 Or would you still wear/not wear it?

There is a fine line between being a total pleaser and loosing your own identity and someone who loves dressing for your husband because, well, he is the one who matters the most. Doesn't he?

It's about giving and receiving. If you want your man to give you what you want, fulfill your emotional needs and love you the way you need to be loved, it's probably a good idea to listen to his advice on your looks.
It matters to him. A lot. 

I can see how this would bother a lot of women. 'He should love me the way I am' and 'Forget it, I'm not giving up my__________' is the attitude that comes naturally.
This is what is meant by marriage being hard work, a lot of compromise and sometimes sacrifice and submission (oh no! not that word)
. Bending your own will to please someone you love isn't a sign of weakness, or giving in to male's chauvinistic domination but a sign of maturity and true love.

Isn't it what we, ladies, really want? 
I'm just sayin.