You Don't Know Until You've Been There.

It's amazing how fast time flies.

Although I have learned a lot in the last two and a half months of motherhood, one thing is for sure - you cannot say you will do this or that, or know better when you haven't had children, or experienced exactly the same situation, or had 'that' kid. 

 Until you've been there. 

Until you've done everything possible to have natural delivery and ended up with C-section.

Until you've been through the sleepless nights and colicky cries.

Until you've tried everything to calm the baby and it just seems that nothing works. 

Until you've stood over his crib trying to put him to sleep and he just wants to smile and play with you.
Until you've realized that all he wants is to be on your chest.

Until you've heard every kind of cry and KNOW what your baby needs at them moment.

Until you tried to introduce the bottle so you can leave him for more then two hours but he wouldn't take it.

Until you've followed the schedule and failed.

Until you've tried to nurse but the baby just won't take the breast but does fine with the bottle.

Until you've lost your milk supply very early on and hated that you had to switch to formula.

Until you've tried to give the formula but baby refuses.

Until you've realized that babies are people, and people have bad days. 

As friends, family members and just acquaintances, I think we all have offered advice in one form or another. 

But until you've at least been there, you can't say what works and what doesn't. 

And even then, all babies are different. 

Some want to be held all the time, others are completely satisfied without being smothered. 

Some want to eat every 2 hours for the first year of their life, others sleep through the night at one month old.

Some take pacifier, others like to suck on their thumb.

Some will be potty trained by 8 months, others still wet their pants at 3 years old. 

Honestly, every mother has her own struggles and until you've been there, until you've had that child, until you've tried everything under the sun, you have no idea what you would do.

So let's stop judging (which I'm guilty of as well) and start encouraging because God knows, we need it the most.

We, mothers, need to support and encourage each other in the fine job that we are doing, because we all know that it's hard enough without being criticized every step of the way.

Brutiful Reality

Here is behind the scenes look.

"I just want to have that boob already" 
Parents trying to take pictures when baby wants to have lunch 

 "Stop with the pictures and take me out of this stupid 
car seat already" 
Pictures after a long ride in the car 

"I was cute and cuddly, and I wore your stupid bowtie Ma, 
now can we get this over with?" 
Too many pictures when everyone wants to hold the baby 

 "Seriously folks! You put me into a jacket and a collared 
shirt and expect me to like it?"
 Taking pictures after a long day at church and out  

It's not always pretty.

Sometimes, babies don't make those adorable, precious and beautiful pictures happen.

Babies have a mind of their own and absolutely no schedule.

Parents are trying to go by the clock and babies... well, who knows what they go by. Mostly, the positioning of the moon and their hungry tummies.

When the two try to co-exist in one world, life gets messy.

And I am a real mama trying to navigate in the midst of dirty diaper, couple sleepless nights and an always-hungry stomach in high heels and couple designer handbags.

My life is not a perfect Instagram picture.

My life is sometimes brutal and always amazingly beautiful.

It's Brutiful.

And I love it. Well, Most of the time.

Have a great weekend!

//Jonathan// Two Months

Dear boy,

you are eight weeks old now and I don't know whether to count every four weeks from the day you were born or just the 13th of every month, I mean it's just a technicality.

You are growing oh so fast and changing almost every day. 

You started smiling and love to 'talk' to us. Whenever I start baby talk you focus your eyes on my face and try so hard to imitate what I'm doing with my mouth.

I love that toothless grin.

You have the most adorable babble talk, especially when I hear your daddy talking to you, as he's changing your diaper. For one, daddy takes his sweet time with you and really gets into it. It's so sweet.

You finally discovered the sheep mobile over your crib and love staring at it but I'm not sure it works to make you sleepy. 

You are nursing every two-three hours during the day which sometimes seems like you are always feeding (but that's only good for mommy's getting-back-into-shape ordeal. thanks buddy). On the other hand you sleep about five-six hours a night. So I'll take it.

I'm still trying to figure out which foods make you colicky and so far eggs and almost all greens are to be limited in my intake. 

We went out to eat once after church and you were such a good boy. An older couple sitting at an adjacent table was mesmerized by your cuteness. And who could blame them?

Then we went out with entire familia and you weren't thrilled, plus mommy forgot your paci. Sorry bud. I guess you don't like Greek food.

Also, we blessed you in church with pastor praying for you. It was a dear moment for us as parents.

I think in the last eight weeks we sort of got you used to being held a lot. You do not like to lay for long time and after about twenty minutes demand to be picked up.

That's going to have to change with some gentle discipline.

You do like to sit in a swing though which is, of course, a life saver.

You are one cute kid and we absolutely adore you.

I just wish you didn't have to grow up so quick.

They Say

sweater, bag: H&M, cords: Lands End, shoes: Nine West

They say that surviving the first month with a newborn is the hardest part of parenting. They would know.
They also say that it's the hardest going from no kids to one. Then it gets easier they say. 

First they say to put the baby to sleep on his tummy. Then couple years later they go ahead and change it. Now they say that baby should always be sleeping on his back.

They say that you need to sterilize the water every time you bathe an infant up until he's three months old.

They say that you should definitely give co-sleeping a try. It's the way nursing was meant to be.

But then they say that the only place the baby should be sleeping in is his own crib.

They say that teaching baby to sleep through the night will decrease the milk supply.

Then they go on to say that children need schedule and disciple from the day one. 

Who are they? 

And why do they have so much to say?!
Why is it always something different?

They are your mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, other bloggers, experts, parenting books, lactation consultants and neighbors. They are the people behind you at the check out counter in the store and and your pediatrician.

They say what they know and only want the best. 

In the world of expert advice and sea of parenting books it's hard to navigate. 

But as mothers we have to make tough decisions and stick with them, standing up for what we believe in. So when they say something again, take the best and throw out the rest.

P.S. This video says it all. Must watch for all parents.
Too funny not to laugh

//Jonathan// One Month

Technically you were one month yesterday but mama was super busy and you were super cranky,
so here it goes.
I want to take the time to remember you little dude.

. I don't want the time to go by and forget what your sweet little face looked like at every stage of the game. 

You are so precious.

You are definitely every bit a boy.

You are a tough little guy. When I change your diaper in the middle of the night, you brave the cold wipes and don't even cry. Just make these cute groans while looking at me with your big wide-open eyes.

You are not so sleepy anymore and like to be awake a little bit longer. 

I'm still not sure if your like your bouncy seat but I think you for sure don't like the vibration option. You don't mind the birds chirping though.

You are such a cuddler. You would cuddle with me all day long and sleep on my chest without ever picking your head up. I would love to, dear, but I do too have to tinkle sometimes. 

You are a good sleeper. Five to six hours at night easily which makes my job easier.

You are quit serious and make some adorable faces with your crooked brows.

I love that you are getting some major cheeks. I kiss them a lot.

And those little fingers. I mean, so tiny and so precious.

I have discovered today that you don't like to sleep in just a onesie - you love to be swaddled tight.

Bath time is amazing. You grunt and groan but never cry while waving your little fists in the air.

Lastly, you love riding in the car and fall asleep the moment we get in. 

I think you are doing pretty well for being brand new, while we try to figure you out. It will take some time, but bear with us, the newly made parents. We too need some time to get the hang of this parenting thing because you know what, it's quit difficult at times. 

But together we make a great team.

We love you and can't wait to see you grow. 

Let Them Be Little

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while

Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day

Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little.

song

It's a funny thing this life. When you are waiting for something, time seems to drag its feet and really slow waaay down. On the other hand, when you enjoying every moment and trying to make it last as long as possible, time flies too fast.

 Honestly, I don't think anything has ever made me realize how fast life is, as much as this little guy. All of this: the 3am feedings that seem to last f.o.r.e.v.e.r., the endless dirty diapers, the crying for no apparent reason, the helplessness and cuteness will pass. Too fast. 

He is three weeks old today and I still cannot believe he is mine. But in the middle of it all - feeding, changing, burping, swaddling, changing again, crying and puking - he gives me a cute little toothless smile. Then when I just fed him and he's falling asleep in my arms, in that state of sweet slumber as his hand is on my chest and his cheeks are pressed against me, it's all so worth it. 

Life is short.

No rewind.

No replay. 

So enjoy every moment God has given you.

Awkward

You know that stage of your life when you are about thirteen years old and just starting to develop? You still act like a kid, and probably look like one but your body is going through this huge change. One day you wake up a normal kid and the next BAM! you are becoming a woman, all emotional and hormonal. 

Well, that's sort of what it feels like right now. 

My body is is still recovering and far (close to twenty pounds to the south far) from what I started with.
It needs time. 

I have the belly that's slowly shrinking and some additional bootay, and of course, the girls are doing their duty too. I mean, it's all disproportional and out of line. Add to that my hormones jumping off the cliff and you've got a mess. 

So one of two things can happen. I can either pout and cry over my incongruous body or I can embrace this stage and just do my best. I'm picking the latter.
My body has accomplished a gigantic task and brought a life into this world. I can be hard on myself sometimes but this awkward-turned-plump stage isn't permanent. Hopefully.
I don't want to focus on the negative but rather enjoy the sweet little boy that I have. He's a joy and a blessing, so take that belly fat.

Five Things

I've realized that if I post a picture a day of this precious face, I will have enough cuteness until the end of times. I mean, look at that angel!

So everyone is tagging everyone on Instargam with five random things about the individual. Whoever came up with it, hit the spot and it's like a plague going around Web now. Natalie brought it into blogosphere and I think it's here to stay. I've been tagged  too (well, sorta), so here is my five things.

//1// When I was around fiver or six years old, I wanted to be a judge when I grew up (at least that's what my mom tells me I told everyone). Then I saw the cost of tuition for law school.

//2// When I first met my future husband, I disliked him. I mean, we were butting heads for a while, as we hung out in the same youth group. Once on a sledding trip we were playing around and I accidentally knocked glasses off his face. We found the glasses. I did say sorry. To this day, hubby swears I did it on purpose.

//3// Besides my secondary education, I went to music school for seven years and art school for five starting 6 years old. I did not have a moment of free time until my last two years of high school.

//4// I'm a clean freak except I hate doing dishes. I will scrub my house from top to bottom and vacuum and wash everything, only I may leave dishes for hubby to finish (if at all possible).

//5// When I was twelve years old, I spent entire summer in  Norway's country side. Our parents were working on strawberry farm and my sister and I were having a blast. Talk about spoiled.

Therefore to keep the ball rolling, I tag Shelby, Kaylee, Danielle, Abbey and Jessica

The Birth Story

This picture was taken right before we headed out to the hospital. 

I mean, how much bigger can you get when he kid is getting over-baked?

Not much more. 

I have been laying sleepless through couple nights thinking if I wanted to share this part of my life. I am a private person (with a personal life style blog, I know), and want to keep some of the very intimate and private details of this to myself  But I do want to share the incredible experience that brought my son into this world. (I still can't believe I'm saying the words 'my son')

As you may know I was overdue. I mean seven days isn't that long but it felt like an eternity to me. 

My last sonogram showed that he was 8lb and 13oz which isn't always accurate and usually +/- a pound. It's the plus side I was afraid off. There are many risks to waiting up to two weeks past due date but we know that babies don't go by our time. They just have a mind of their own. 

I was struggling between waiting him out couple more days and taking all those risks, or going for induction and taking more risks. Either way, it wasn't going to be an easy decision. 

Hubby was leaving the decision in my hands but after talking it through and praying, we decided to get the show on the road. 

On the way to the hospital my heart was racing and I had butterflies in my stomach.

So there was checking in and settling in, getting all the important info down and checked by the doctor. My cervix wasn't ripe enough, so that was the first step at 4pm. The medication was supposed to take about 12 hours to work and the next morning I would be ready for Pitocin ( I was not ready for it).

But my body decided otherwise. By 9pm my water broke and contractions were 2-3min apart by 11 pm. I was dilating very fast, so there was no time like the present to ask for epidural. 

Yes, I'm a big chicken. Hubby says I yelled pretty loud when contractions hit. The pain of the needle in your back is nothing compared to those awful contractions. 

So I got the epidural just in time because by 3am I was fully dilated and effaced, ready to push. 

That's when the trouble came.

Our baby didn't want to come out. He was fighting me with all his might, because his heart rate dropped half of what it was supposed to be only after three pushes. Doctor thought maybe it would jump up once I wasn't pushing but it was taking him long time to recover. 

          More of the same and she said that I will have to push for a while and he isn't tolerating the labor. 

But he had to come out. 

I cried. We cried. I begged to let me wait him out a little and maybe he will decide to show up. She did.

Forty five minutes later, the same story. 

So basically, there was no choice - push and risk him having brain damage or C-Section. 

I cried more, while they were rolling me into OR.

By 4:43 am he was born - healthy, happy and very alert. 

By 5-ish I was holding him in my arms and nursing my little man. Still in shock of what has happened, exhausted but happy.

More tears, more joy, more happiness.

Still happening to this day.

Mama Hurts, So You Don't Have To

We are home now. We are trying to nurse. As in, Jonathan is doing well - eating a lot, pooping even more but it's mama who's in pain. Let me just lay it out there. Breastfeeding hurts. A LOT. Supposedly, it doesn't when you get the latch right, but how do you make a newborn open his mouth as wide as his face? It's not a pleasant feeling - so far lots of pain and biting my lips so I wouldn't cry.But it's getting better. Slooowly.

I've always believed that nursing is a natural and most beautiful thing but it sure doesn't feel that way yet.
It takes a lot of practice and right now we are not very good at it.

Let's be honest, your boobs (there I said it) weren't sucked on, tugged and pulled at ever before and now they have to stand that abuse every 2-3 hours. Whoah! 

I want only the best for my little boy and willing to suffer through this but at 3 am when I'm clenching my teeth and trying not to take the precious food source out of his mouth (which he utterly enjoys, judging by the suckling sounds he makes), I feel like quitting.
But then I look at his precious little face and remember that only I can give him the best start in life. Only I can provide the precious nutrition, love and care and no one else.
It's hard but it's ohhh so worth it.

Motherhood is tough and there is nothing in the world that's so difficult and rewarding at the same time.

My Little Valentine

The sweetest Valentine's Day gift I have ever gotten

I'm back... and I can't believe how much my life has changed in these last couple of days. 

My mind keeps thinking, 'can you believe it'? 

You are a mommy now. 

The AMAZING feeling that knocks the socks off your feet and makes your head spin while you body is reminding you of the earth-shattering, mind-blowing, most painful experience of your entire life. There are no words to describe the pain, the back ache, the fear of unknown and the unpredictable. But you were made for this. For this role as a mom. 

It's unbelievable how much I love this little guy of mine. Right now, I'm an emotional mess, so every little crooked smile, every raised eyebrow, every dirty diaper and little wink makes my heart sink. 

I can't believe he is mine. Still. It's so surreal. 

Between the all-nightly feedings and burps, diaper changes and swaddling - time flies so fast. It seems like life just took on a pair of wings and determined to take me to his college graduation in one single breath. So I'm enjoying it. Every minute of it. This perfect, little, most adorable Valentine that stole my heart. 

The Waiting Game

Still not here...
I love that so many people are excited to meet our little guy but I'm also a little annoyed. The preggo hormones are raging over here /if you can't tell/, and I'm anxious to get the show on the road. I have a million /well, maybe not that many/ text messages a day asking me if he is here yet. I understand that people have only the best intentions but all I want to do is yell at the phone, and it didn't do anything, poor thing. Here is what's happening now.

I'm tired all the time but can't sleep more then two hours at a time. Tossing and turning, getting up to tinkle like five hundred times a night, then about 6am I'm starving and getting up to get breakfast. By 8am I'm tired again and sleepy - clime back into bed (while hubby has no problems sleeping through it all) and snoozing for a little bit. Brunch, maybe a shower later and some blogging, so by 1pm I want to take a nap again. So I snooze in the chair in the nursery. Feeling a little better by now, and want to get out of the house. Taking a walk or going to the mall just to get out and do something. 

This waiting period is exhausting, so I while I try to keep myself occupied with baking some pastries and online shopping for the house, have yourself a great weekend.


P.S. The Pink Peonies Blog brought to you another giveaway from Florence Adams. A $50 worth of stuff from the shop, so check it out.

Baby Boy Nursery

Ever since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been working on ideas for the nursery. Sometimes, I would lay sleepless during the night and think what I would like to do. I've been gathering materials ever since we got married - those sheep that I bought almost 5 years ago, Russian cartoon characters my mom brought from motherland and books that I read when I was a little girl. 

My first thought was to make it navy blue and green. I wanted an accent wall and was looking for wall paper. So when I found this striped teal number, I absolutely loved it and changed my mind about the colors. 

Teal walls and bedding with brown furniture seemed a little boring. So I added a pop of color with subtle orange accents. 

I LOVE the end product and very often go sit in my favorite chair (it reclines, rocks and swivels! I received it as a Christmas present from hubby) while reading. 

He really is so amazing, kind and the best kind of good. 

Did I mention it's the warmest room in the house? Yep, nice and cozy!

Crib: Pottery Barn Kendal Fixed Gate Crib
Dresser: Ikea MALM 4 Drawer Chest
Bedding: Pottery Barn Harper Bedding
Standing Lamp: Walmart DIY (Spray painted colored that I wanted)
Mommy's Chair: Natuzzi Liri Leather Recliner
Clock: Target (sold out)
Table Lamp: Target
Bassinet: Gift (Target)
Changing Table: passed down from my sister
Mobile: DIY
"I Love You" Prints: La Posh Design (custom made)
Frames: Hobby Lobby
Rocking Horse: Vintage (handmade present from our neighbor)

No Rush

This black maxi is the only thing that fits my big belly at this point.
Miss my regular clohes

It's been all about birth, baby and other pregnancy related things here but that's my life. And since this blog is about my life - there is no way of getting around it all.
After reading this post by an awesome fellow blogger, I have been thinking.
I've decided to consciously enjoy every single moment of every day until our baby boy arrives.

 People keep asking me how long I have left and that unintentionally reminds me that it's
getting VERY close but he's still not here.

 It seems like we rush through a lot of things in life but this time is not going to ever come back. 

I'm not going to be just wife, sister, daughter and friend. I'm going to be a mother. 

You can't rush through motherhood.
You can't rush through life. 
God is giving me this time to reflect and learn to trust Him to give us our boy at a perfect time.

So while I wait... 

Spending lots of quality time with hubby, sleeping in when possible, shopping, watching movies and  just enjoying time together. Ohhhh yes, still debating on the name.
Spending time with friends and family, hanging out with my mom and sister.
Reading a few baby books and one just for pure pleasure of reading.
Trying different recipes - cooking and baking deliciousness.
So take your time baby boy (reasonable amount), get strong and big (not too big) to face this currently-below-zero-temperatures world.

Ready. Set. Go.

Since I don't know how big he's going to be, I packed a newborn and 0-3m outfit.
What am I missing?

I've asked several people and the opinion is split on whether or not take clothes to the hospital.
What else am I missing?

At this point the nursery is completely finished - it looks so darn cute. My hospital bag and his diaper bag are packed. All that's left is to wait and see. 

Honestly, I think every mother is worried about the birth process and for me, being the control freak that I am,  it's hard to let go. I have absolutely no control over the entire thing as it's very unpredictable. 

But I have decided not to let the worry get to me - I can't fix, help or speed up the process by worrying. So I'm going to try to enjoy these last couple of weeks as a preggo woman. I'm going to soak in the freedom that I still have (trip to B&N anyone?) and the inability to tie my own shoes. 

As much as I can, I ask for advice from experienced mothers, read other people's blogs and opinions on everything from Pitocin to a birthing ball. But until I go through it, I don't know how it is, although it's good to be ready. For everything.