Parenting Toddlers

When it comes to parenting, different stages of child's life require much wisdom. Babies are sweet and sleepy; they want to hang out on your shoulder and as long as they are fed and changed, it's all good. Now, toddlers are a totally different story. They are fully functioning members of a family, as they try prove themselves at every possible opportunity. They are very independent at this age and yet need us the most. So here's how parenting a toddler has changed my life. 

DO...

1. GIVE FREEDOM (as much as it is safe). They have very little control over their world - from what they eat to where they sleep, we decide everything for them. So whenever possible and you can give them the freedom they so desire, do so. Let them experiment with different foods and textures, run freely in controlled environment and don't be too harsh when they make a mess. 

2. TEACH. At this point in their life, they soak up every single bit of information that comes their way. Toddlers are very observant, that's why they imitate adults so much. Give them place and time to learn instead of restricting everything all the time. Whenever you have time, sit down, play, read and have fun with them. It may seem like not much to you but they are learning even when you are just goofing off. They are learning valuable social skills of human interaction and trust.

3. BE FAIR. Keep everyone in your household, including yourself to the same standards. If you think they shouldn't have candy but you are \eating M&Ms by the bag full, they will catch on very soon. They may not understand it and you may be able to get away with it now, but sooner or later they will resent your partiality. 

4. REDIRECT. When so little of your life is in your control, and you can't do this or that, frustration comes on easily. Toddlers are frustrated a lot at the world around them because they either can't do something, won't do something or simply don't want to do something. Redirect their attention away from the frustration and engage them in something else.

5. BE CALM. Whenever toddlers are upset, frustrated or cranky, it's best to stay calm. It won't do any good to you or them to get all frizzled and start yelling. Escalating situation by yelling and making arguments will just make it worse because they will resist it. Just accept the fact that they will be upset in some near future and will refuse to do whatever it is you want them to do. So keep calm - you have a toddler on hands.

DON'T...

1. REASON. At this point in game, they don't understand reasoning. You can explain all you want why they need to go to sleep and why mommy loves them, but they don't understand it. When making rules, be firm but soft spoken. Assure them by hug or kiss but still keep on doing what you must. 

2. BRIBE. I know it seems that everyone is doing it but it's simply very ineffective way to train. It teaches the child that he needs to do something only if there is a reward for such behavior. They need to learn that obeying and listening is part of their life. It's simply what they need to learn without alternatives and bribes.

3. IGNORE. Sometimes you just want to close your eyes and not see what's happening. But your toddler is watching you every moment of the day. Sure there are times when it's better to just walk away and not engage, but ignoring mean and defiant behavior will not do him/her any good. It needs to be addressed, punished and corrected.

4. GIVE UP. When it seems like you've tried every option and they still refuse to follow directions or eat that veggie, just step away. Don't keep at it if there are no results but don't get so frustrated you just want to give up. Sometimes, you just need to regroup, find another approach and start all over again. Repetition and consistency is your best friend when it comes to toddlers.

When A Household Is Sick

Unrelated shot when everyone was well and actually had time to take pictures.

Last weekend was part of 'it was the worst time of my life' story and it all started Saturday morning. 

I woke up feeling tired, achy and overall blah. I did not want to get out of the bed and had no appetite. Hubby was a sweetheart and got up with Jonathan while I got to snooze extra hour or so. We had plans with a few of our friends to go out of town. I hate to cancel on people, so we ended up going and had a great time. But by the end of dinner I was shivering and coming down with some awful chills, that the entire ride home I was jittery and cold. 

All night and the next morning I was ready to die. I had the worst chills and my body felt like I was run over by a train a million times. All that along with never-ending pain in my throat let me think I had the flu. Dear husband took Jonathan to church and cooked lunch, went to the store and got me medicine and fruit so I could stay in bed. I went to see the doctor  Monday morning and the diagnosis was strep throat.

Next day, hubby started getting down with same kind of  fever and chills. He was feverish all night and next day had the same diagnosis - strep. It had got to be the worst - both of us with a full of life and energy toddler. Shoot me now.

Two out of three people in our household had strep throat, so we quarantined ourselves inside the house without anyone in or out. Since strep is highly contagious and awfully painful, I'm was so worried about Jonathan getting it too but thankfully, he didn't. I wiped down the entire house with Clorox wipes and rewashed every utensil I used every day. We feeling better but still not totally there.

It was hard being a parent while being sick. 

When a sweet, babbling baby wanted to clime in bed with us and play pick-a-boo but all I wanted to do is bury my face in a pillow, it was hard. When he wanted to play with me and kiss me all over and I couldn't, it was hard. When he wanted to be held and carried but I was too tired to even get out of bed, it was hard. It was hard not to be physically close, kiss, hold and love my baby when he so desperately needed it. It was probably harder then going through the pain and ache and after only a day of being away from him, I realized how much I missed that sweet boy of mine.

So if anyone in your house is ever sick, stay away from them. Do not sleep in the same bed (even if they want to cuddle), do not share a glass (unless you sanitized it), do not give them a kiss goodbye (so cold, I know) and certainly, do not exchange any bodily fluids (wink). It's hard being sick and caring for a baby but when both are sick, it's even worse. Take that from me.

Thank you for stopping and hope your week is going better than mine!

Five Things Every Mother Needs

After a year of motherhood, I fell like I know a little bit about what it takes to be a mother.  I'm certainly not an expert but from personal experience, I've discovered these are the things every mother needs. No questions asked.

1. A GOOD NIGHT'S SLEEP.

Every mother, no matter how much experience she has, will agree with me that all she really needs is a good night's sleep. Without any interruptions, without anyone calling for water, or a clean diaper or asking where the new diapers are. It's those precious eight hours that feel like heaven and make everything seem better, rejuvenate your spirits and make the world brighter. So whenever you can, treat yourself to the luxury of a full night's sleep, even if you have to turn in at 8 pm and don't get up until you absolutely must. I guarantee, you will feel better and those dishes will still be there in the morning (I promise I won't tell anyone).

2. TRIED AND TRUE BEAUTY ROUTINE

When you are running late (which is like me 99% of the time) and still haven't had a drop of food in your mouth, while trying to get everyone else ready, the last thing you want is to spend time trying stuff on. To look fresh and put together, you need to figure out what works for you, personally. Your hair, your skin and body type are something that defines who you are. Learn to accentuate your strengths, work with your body type and find drug-store make up that gets the job done. You don't have to spend hundreds of dollars on make up and clothes to look good. Figure out what works for you and stick to it.

3. A TRUSTED BABYSITTER

Every mother (and father) needs a break. The last thing you want to do while on a date night is worry about your child(ren). You need to find someone, be that friends, family or hired help, who you trust with your  child(ren) completely. There cannot be any doubt that the person you are leaving your child(ren) with is fully capable of handling that responsibility. Make your wishes fully known, specify things they should and should not do. It's your child(ren)'s well being you are talking about and you shouldn't have to apologize for anything.

4. ALONE TIME

When you are running out of steam and just about rip to shreds everything that comes your way, it's time to step aside and take a breather. Every mom needs some 'me time' to refocus, relax and simply take your mind off everything that has to do with feeding, changing and taking care of babies. Mothers with tiny newborns, preschoolers, school-age children, or teenagers, either one or many, need time away from motherhood responsibilities just to ensure their sanity. Put some 'me time' in your schedule or it will never happen and you will feel run down and exhausted. 

5. A SENSE OF HUMOR

It's impossible to get through a day of motherhood without laughing, whether it's at the kids or yourself. The moment when your child does something wrong and you know you should reprimand him/her but all you could do is laugh? Yes that one. It happens to everyone. Just go ahead and smile at your child because really we need more laughter in our lives. If you can't do anything about a situation, you can at least get a good laugh from it and that's worth something. Stop taking yourself so seriously and take it easy, and life will seem much simpler when you can show your children you can laugh at yourself and be silly too. 

And that's that!
Thank you for reading.

I'm Not Ready

Before having Jonathan, I could not imagine loving a baby so much. I didn't think I was ready for the responsibility of motherhood but more than that, I wasn't ready for all the love. Now, with every passing day I'm still not ready for the enormous experience of unconditional love that motherhood is. I'm truly not ready for the time to fly so fast.

I'm not ready for him to grow up  and abandon the cute infant stage. I'm not ready to give up the random hugs and kisses when we are goofing around. I'm not ready for the most sincere and funny laugh I have ever heard every time I  tickle or play with him. I'm not ready to be a mom of a toddler. I'm not ready for the love that overfills my heart to the point that it almost hurts. I'm not ready to feel the ache when I think about anything that may hurt him. I'm definitely not ready for the enormous responsibility of raising a human being, a gentleman, future husband and father. I don't know if I'm up for the job. I'm not ready for the tantrums and gentle discipline. I'm not ready hold my tamper when all I want to do is yell. I'm not ready for his hands to wrap around my neck when he had a scary dream and I calm him saying everything is ok. Mommy is here. 

I'm not ready for his serious face when I tell him not to touch something and he's trying to tell me otherwise. I'm not ready for the bruises and scuffed knees. I'm not ready for the boyish fun and rombanxious spirit that wants to come out every time he's on the loose. I'm not ready for his impressionable soul to take everything in. I'm not ready for all the funny giggles and sweet smiles right after nap time. I'm not ready to see him grow and change with every minute of the day. I'm not ready to teach him right from wrong, because some things I'm still unsure of myself. I'm not ready to show him all the hurt and darkness of the world.

I am not ready for my heart to be so full, and life to be so different. I feel like most days I want the time to stop and speed up at the same time. I want him to grow up yet to stay little forever, because I'm not ready for the depth of emotions and huge responsibility of parenthood. Yet it's here. I'm here. No matter how much I prepare myself, I don't know what the future holds. But I know Who holds tomorrow and that I can trust God to hold me in His hand. So, although I feel no ready for this life ahead of me and the role of motherhood, I know that God knows my heart. He will be with me through it all, guiding through the unexpected and unknown.

I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

So, bring it on, life. 

I'm ready.

Style {Motherhood Challenges Series}

Personal style is defined by who you are as a person. Style is not the latest brands or designer labels but something that makes you, well, you. It's personal and very unique to every individual. And although there are guidelines for looking groomed and put-together, I don't think that being a mother is an excuse for sloppy personal attire. 

Finding your own personal style and knowing what works well for your figure is something that comes with time. As a mother, I have seen my style evolve and change to accommodate my growing responsibilities. I love wearing dresses because they are a no-brain outfit. I adore above knee skirts and high boots (as you can tell with my latest outfit posts) and quiet frankly it's possible with an infant in tow (granted I only have one).

One thing is for sure - I seek comfort and ease of movement with all my outfits and limit amount of jewelry in my everyday wear because those tiny chubby hands love to grab onto everything. I still love pretty sequin tops and never shy away from a great pair of heels but it's knowing how to style them is the key.

Having classic, versatile, high quality pieces makes it possible to mix and match to your heart's content. Here are a few of my picks for a functional mother's closet. 

Casual...

shirt, jacket, jeans, watch, bracelet, crossbody, booties

Classy...

blouse, sequin top, skirt, tote, bracelet, pumps

Thoughts On Feeling Like a Failure

I have been thinking a lot about what have I accomplished. Not just in the last year but in my entire life. Looking at other women my age and those even younger, at those with, what seems like, better marriages and celebrity-worthy closets I got jealous. I started feeling pity for myself because I don't have a thousand people following after two years of blogging, every item in my closet does not have a J.Crew label on it, my husband is not a freelance photographer who takes pictures of me for living and my baby's outfits are not Instargam-worthy.

I'm just a married girl with baby in tow who has a blog. I write half legible sentences of incoherent thoughts and post pictures of simple outfits. That's it. I'm not sensational or original. In most cases I look to Pinterest and other blogs for inspiration. I carefully plan out all of my blog outfits and take a million pictures of baby for that one cute grin.

And so I've been feeling sorry for myself just a little bit for a couple of reasons. I don't have a career and I'm not rising to the top of corporate ladder. I haven't made a huge following for my blog and I don't have very inspirational thoughts. I don't have a 'wow factor' with every outfit and I cannot afford Valentino rockstuds. (Google it if you must). Feeling like I don't have anything to show for my life, like I haven't accomplished much has taken over me.

It's easy to feel inferior and like a looser by looking at other people's blogs, families, business, children or what have you, through the prism of social media. Most of the time we do not see the whole picture. We get caught up in the covetous state of mind because let's face it, our culture pushes for it. I see a lot of 'currently coveting' posts and none 'look I'm happy with what I've got' posts because we are always looking for more. That makes us compare our lives with others' and when it doesn't line up with a tiny snapshot of reality, we feet like we failed.

That is absolutely not true.

Behind heavily edited pictures, polished looks, staged family photos and perfect lighting there are people. People who have faults, who fail and who don't have it all together because I surely don't. And that's OK. It's OK to be ordinary and just myself. It's OK to be living an ordinary life, raising babies, loving my husband and growing old. It's OK to be grateful for what I have and do the best I can with the life that God gave me.

For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise

 (2 Corinthians 10:12)

Real Parenting

We had a taste of 'real parenting'. Jonathan has been an easy baby every since he was born - sleeping through the night right away, no colic, no ear infections or major spit-ups (thank God) and we've been spoiled. His bottom teeth came in without a cinch and we were thrilled. 

Fast forward two months and he was cranky, didn't want to eat from the spoon, constantly wining and wanting to be on hands. Once we realized that his top teeth are popping through, at least we could take some measures, stocking up on baby Tylenol and finger foods. As it would happen, hubby was working nights that week and I was alone holding down the fort. 

Jonathan had it rough with sleepless nights, bleeding gums and no solids. He didn't want the spoon because it hurt his gums, so he only ate the stuff he could pick up with hands. We were getting frustrated because he was practically living on formula, super cranky and needy. The teeth finally cut through and we were relieved to have the happy and easy-going baby back. He is sleeping through the night, eating as he supposed to and loving his independence again. 

Those hard times, sleepless nights and cranky baby really proved our marriage. When neither of us wanted to get up to get Jonathan in the middle of the night, when we were snappy and irritable, it took a lot more effort not to kill each other. Glad we didn't because I still kind of like this guy. Scratch that, I love him  and our life together. 

Jonathan //9 months//

I remember sitting in my PJ's right after I got home from the hospital, trying to latch you on (crying from the horrible pain) and thinking that this will never end. I will not survive this.

And here we are - nine months later, still alive and well.

You are making all kinds of babble noises as I'm typing away at the computer.

You are smart and fun kid to be around. You love books and every time I open a book you just love turning pages with me and looking at pictures. You play with books by yourself and attempt to turn pages on your own - so stinking adorable.

You are getting into e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g. There is absolutely nothing out there that doesn't look or sound interesting. Shoes, for example, are the best and you look to chew on them any chance you get.

You still only have two teeth and although the top gums look like they are a little swollen, they aren't coming out yet.

Since we have the luxury of having two living rooms, I bought a gate to keep you in a controlled and safe environment when I need to cook or get stuff done. You play in it for a while but it does get old, and you love to follow me around.

Your regular bed time is 8pm and usually you wake up between 4 and 6am for your bottle. Then fall asleep again until about 8 or 9. But of course the days daddy has a day off and we want to sleep in you will decide to wake up at 7am and proceed to demand to be picked up.

You are eating pretty much everything we do (although finger foods are your absolute favorite). Whenever I'm cooking, I don't add seasoning until the very end and puree your food then season ours.

You have the most adorable and funny laugh and everything is a game. We play and laugh, and read, and goof around together - I'm loving this stage the most.

You love going shopping and sitting in the cart like a big boy, looking around and grabbing pasta boxes any chance you get. You barely fit in your carrier car seat  and it makes me sad that you are growing so fast.

Bath time is a daddy duty and your absolute favorite - you squeal when you see shower start. You two have a lot of fun together, judging by all the laughing that's going on in the bathroom

You finally learned to hold your own bottle and now it's a lot easier putting you down for a nap, although sometimes I let you fall asleep without a bottle.

You have an easy-going personality and as long as you are fed, changed and rested - all is well with the world. You are starting to show your toddler side and definitely will let everyone know when you don't like something - we are working on it.

As much as I can, I'm teaching you the meaning of 'no' and that I mean it. Most of the time you understand it but still keep coming back and doing the same thing over and over again. I'm definitely learning patience.

You love going to new places and stranger's houses don't intimidate you at all. Really, anyone can babysit you and you will have no problem with it. Especially you love being spoiled by grandmas.

You are crawling and cruising everywhere you can, and I don't think walking is too far away. You can get places a lot faster by crawling so walking isn't on your To Do list right now.

Out of all the different stages and changes you have been going through, I'm enjoying every moment. Seeing how fast time flies and you will never been this little again, I'm doing my best to take in every moment, not to complain and just enjoy the life right now. 

Jonathan {8 Months}

Dear boy, you are growing so fast. I'm happy to see you are healthy and big but at the same time it makes me sad, knowing this time will never come back. 

You are crawling everywhere! Actually you started crawling the day after you turned seven months and haven't stopped since. Getting up and pulling on everything, trying to get to me whenever I'm away - it's all so much fun (and so worrisome for mama). You are walking along side the couch and not afraid to let got of my hand (so brave). 

Toys do not interest you anymore - everything else seems to be more fascinating, interesting and captivating. It takes you about 30 seconds to find your way back to where I am after I put you down to play by yourself. No place to hide.

You have only two teeth but even that's enough to leave tiny bite marks on the couch. (thanks baby;-)

 You love playing with other children. Every time you are in the church nursery you are absolutely smitten by all the action. You love playing with your cousin and together you are trouble. 

The way you explore everything and the enthusiasm you greet me with every time I walk in the room is absolutely adorable. You smile at me and crawl so fast trying to reach my feet that sometimes you trip over yourself, silly goose. 

You love bath time and get super excited when I turn the water on. We play and splash, get to know water and everything you can do with it. Bed time is my favorite because I get to hold you and feed you, while you snooze in my arms. Since I'm not nursing anymore, I really enjoy the special bonding time we have together and don't want to teach you to hold your own bottle. 

It's so precious because I know it will not last very long.

You have gotten so used to falling asleep in my arms with the bottle that you refused to fall asleep on your own. It was a battle that I had to face because you wouldn't fall asleep without mama. Being a mother is hard because I have to make decisions that break my heart at times but in the end I know they will be good for both of us.

I have introduced you to the foods that we eat and you love it. Simple soups, fruits and veggies, chicken and cereal are your primary foods and you seem to enjoy it. Although, every new taste is very exciting so we are trying everything we can get our hands on. 

I'm loving this stage. You are learning from everything and watching my every step with complete fascination. Although you are trying to get into every cupboard and cause trouble, you are so much fun to be with. You love reading books and playing, it's great to watch you explore new things. 

We are trying to eat dinner all together when daddy is home and you love being a part of our meal time. We pray with you and hold hands while you babble away. It's my absolute favorite. 

You sleep very good and wake up with a smile on your face every morning - you are one of the happiest babies I have ever seen. 

Stay little baby boy.

Mama loves you.

Daddy sends his love too.

Love {Motherhood Challenges Series}

Jonathan at 3mo old photo shoot

Love is hard.

It's not just a feeling of butterflies in your stomach, or head spinning from the excitement of newness, or not even sweet feeling of joy when holding your newborn babe.

Love is action. Love is thought. Love is work.

Sometimes love requires a lot of work to stay alive.

We say that we love things - everything from a tasty burger to our mother. But the love I'm talking about is something that you learn to give, something that needs time to grow and mature. 

To love children it takes...

...patience when they don't listen and obey; when they have stubborn will and awful attitude

...care when they can't care for themselves. Every time of the day, every day.

...compassion for their inexperience when they don't know any better.

...lots and lots of teaching right from wrong and empathy for their mistakes. 

...wisdom to let them go and be independent while carefully watching over. 

...sound judgement when to punish and when to have mercy. 

...kindness in every word we say. 

...goodness and grace. 

...understanding of their little minds and how God designed them.

...tenderness for their fragile soul and impressionable spirit.

...affection and smiles. 

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails.
(1 Corinthians 13:4–8)

Love takes much effort on our part and doesn't come easy because, let's face it, we are selfish human beings.
It's hard to give love as a parent without having a constant source to receive from.

This is why God's love to us, people, is such an important part of His existence. He loves us every time we mess up, every time we leave Him and don't obey Him; every time we make mistakes and are unkind. We bring turmoil on ourselves and still ask Him to help us and guide us. And He does.

Truly God's love is amazing!

As a mom, I know that I cannot love my child as much as God loves him. I cannot come even close in understanding, kindness, compassion and wisdom that God has with us but I can try.

It isn't easy and every day grind gets to me.
I fail. I ask His forgiveness. 

I try again to be the best mother I could be. To show my little boy what love really means and how give it to others. How to live it and show love in my everyday life.

One Heart

 MUNCHKIN #1                     +                         MUNCHKIN #2

=

MUNCHKIN #3

Over the weekend hubby and I (finally!) got a chance to get away from the daily grind. It was a long awaited but short-lived vacation that we both very much needed. 

One thing I did not expect is to miss my baby so much. 

This little munchkin of mine completely stole my heart. 

My sister was gracious enough to watch Jonathan and, although I trust her completely, I was anxious. The night before we were supposed to leave, I couldn't sleep, was super worried and doubting the entire idea.

 I honestly did not think it was going to be this difficult to leave him behind. For just one night, mind you.

I've read countless stories of mothers who had to leave their child over night (or two) and how they were driving away in tears. I thought that those mothers were taking it a tad too far. Why wouldn't you want to leave your kid somewhere to escape for couple of days? 

You do. Really. You need to.
But when it comes time to leave, you doubt and feel guilty and just about to cry. 

You brought the little munchkin into the world and that heart is a huge part of you.
No matter where, no matter how far away, he will forever and always be with you.
He's a little part of both of us.

Who do you think he looks like?

What We Are Up To

I thought instead of boring you with a minute by minute update on what's going on (who needs another one of those?) I'll summarize it for ya.

Here it goes. Only the important stuff ;-)

  

Making : a ton of DIY projects. Started a million of them but how many will I finish?
Cooking : eggs Benedict every morning. I have to lay off the Holaindaise
Drinking : water out of fancy glass bottle. even with a weeknight dinner it feels a bit grown up and we like it
Reading: between pages of marriage and baby books. Must. Know. It. All.
Wanting: a vacation
Looking: at my baby trying to stand up all by himself 
Playing: with his shoes. they are just so fascinating and it's like a new toy every time
Wasting: time on Pinterest
Sewing: a dress I found in thrift store which was too big on me. 
Wishing: for summer days to stay longer.
Enjoying: family time when daddy gets home. especially when Jonathan goes to sleep and I get him all to myself
Waiting: for the weekend. exciting stuff is happening
Liking: my new brightly colored wall in the kitchen
Wondering: when Jonathan will start walking
Loving: the changing foliage 
Hoping: for a mild winter
Marvelling: at God's goodness, love and mercy everyday. it still amazes me 
Needing: more time in a day 
Smelling: the last rose in my garden
Wearing: lots of fall colors 
Following: too many blogs
Noticing: how old I'm getting
Knowing: that this time will never come back and Jonathan will never be this little again. sad face
Thinking: about Sunday message
Feeling: tired
Bookmarking: cooking magazines
Opening: curtains every morning and letting sunshine in
Giggling: with my sister and mama. best time ever
Feeling: my cold toes. always

Got the idea from this lady

Life Lately, In Pictures

This is our life. 

This smiling face, curious gaze and lots of kisses.

Have a great day!

Jonathan //7 months//

How fast does the time fly! 

When you were born and I was constantly nursing you and changing your diapers every two seconds, it felt like the routine would never end. Yet here we are seven months later with you sitting, eating solids, desperately trying to crawl and talk.

Your bottom two teeth came in just the other day without fever, drool or much wining. The night before, you woke up about five times and I was getting aggravated and tired of it. After picking you up the third time, changing your diaper and nursing you, I decided it's time for you to sleep. You wined for a little bit and fell asleep. An hour later you woke up again, and then again. I bet it was probably uncomfortable but you got through it.

You are really trying to crawl and most of the time just want to stand up. Last night you took your first step on all fours and daddy and I about to have had a party. You are so active and curious, always looking and exploring things. 

You have the most adorable and funniest laugh. We play and cuddle, I read to you and make animal noises and you just crack yourself up. 

Most nights you sleep 8pm - 7am but if you had a lot to eat, you do wake up once in the early morning with a super soaked diaper. I change you quick and put you back to sleep, after a quick nursing session.

You are easy going and happy kid unless you are a) hungry b) tired c) have a dirty diaper. If all of the above are done, then you are a happy camper. Although, you still don't want to hold your bottle on your own.

You love taking walks with me. Every morning when we go for our stroll, you just look around and don't make a peep. About half an hour into it, your start getting tired and fall asleep. I get my exercise and you get your nap.

Daddy and you have a special bond going on. Your father loves spending time with you and playing with you. You are his 'little buddy' which is always sweet to see.

You are in 12 months clothes now and growing by the minute it seems. I don't know if you are even going to fit into the clothes I bought you for the winter. Your weight is average but with height you are in 75th percentile.

You still love to nurse and be near me. I love to hold you when you are sleepy and almost falling asleep on my chest, sweetly sighing and closing your eyes. I put you on my shoulder and press my cheek against your soft baby skin and just don't want to let you go. I want to capture and sear that moment into my brain to remember it and hold it in my heart forever.

 I love this stage and want to just stop the time and enjoy your sweet little smiles with two little teeth, and hold you in my arms a little longer, before you try to run away.

Love always,
 mom and dad

That One Time I Was REALLY Afraid

Blogtember Day 4: A story about a time you were very afraid.

While I was thinking about this topic, I could think of only one time in my life when I was scared. For real. 

When I was pregnant with Jonathan, I had all these different ideas in my head on how his birth is going to be. Every Braxton-Hicks contraction gave me butterflies and I thought that 'this is it'. But they never progressed and at my last check up I wasn't dilated at all.

Doctor told me I could wait another day or two which, given my current situation, probably wouldn't help. Or I could get induced. I really, really, really did NOT want to get induced. After careful discussion and consideration hubby and I decided to go for induction. You can read Jonathan's full birth story here. 

On the day we were scheduled to be at the hospital, I really didn't sleep much. We got up, had brunch and made sure that my hospital bag was packed to its maximum capacity. I had laptop and movies, snacks and magazines (oh how naive I was) and pretty much everything else did not need. After packing everything into the car, tiding up the house and doing my make up and hair (I had to take some last minute pictures ok?), we were ready to go. 

I still had doubts about our decision but tried to be optimistic and talk myself into it. In my mind I was listing every reason why this was a good idea and why we didn't want to wait any longer, but I was afraid.

I was scared to death of the pain that was coming. It's like seeing a train coming your way and knowing it's going to hit you but not being able to do anything about it. It's going to hurt. A lot. That's the way it is.

I was afraid of the unknown. I haven't been through this before and not knowing what's coming was the worst part of this whole ordeal (being the control freak that I am). 

I was nervous that I'm going to chicken out and get an epidural (which I did). I knew that my pain tolerance was very low and the side affects of epi are great. Nevertheless, the stories I've heard about the pain, made me consider it even more.

I was afraid of all the complications and every horror birth story kept coming to my mind (that's what you get for reading a million blogs). 

I was afraid of something happening to the baby and him having some kind of physical or mental defect. I was so scared that I will blame and will never forgive myself for the rest of my life. 

I was afraid that although my husband was there with me, he couldn't help me much. I felt so alone and scared, that all I kept doing the entire ride was holding on to his hand and praying.

That fifteen minute ride to the hospital felt like an eternity and my heart rate was going up with every mile passed by. I was nervous, anxious and jittery which probably wasn't helping the situation. 

The only thing that helped me get through was to get my mind off those things. Even praying wasn't helping because I kept listing and asking the Lord to make sure that none of those afro mentioned things happen, which send me into a mental freak out every time.

It was the scariest time of my life. 

But it was worth it.

I know we made the best decision we could make at the time and I had a perfectly healthy baby in my arm, which I thank God for everyday.

Guilt {Motherhood Challenges Series}

Before becoming a mother, I knew of the great responsibility that comes with the role. However I did not know that some of my biggest faults and challenges will come out of hiding and, having another human being in my care, be magnified by like a hundred. 

I've always struggled with guilt. 

Constantly feeling guilty for simple things that I choose to do for myself, my family and what others think of me. I mean, it's difficult being a people-pleasing perfectionist with guilt-ridden mind.

Since motherhood is a constant choice of parenting methods, feeding schedules and sleeping styles it's hard not to look at other moms and think 'how do they have it all together?'

People tell me that I only have one, that it's nothing compared to multiple kids. And maybe they are right. Maybe I'm just a big wimp and maybe I don't know anything but let me tell you something: it's hard.

It's hard enough with only one baby.

Having a community of other mamas, going through exactly the same thing you are going through sure is helpful but at the same time, we only things on very surface. I have fallen prey to letting others think that I'm the best mother out there; that I have it all together.

Most of the time I don't.

And since I'm doing it wrong one time or another, guilt is something that gets me down every time.

I feel guilty for not nursing until 99 months old. Although I'm still doing it and supplementing with formula, there are mamas out there who don't let their kids have a drop of formula. 

I feel guilty for taking time for myself during the day and letting him just play and whine a little on his own.

I feel guilty for letting him cry it out when he just doesn't want to do anything else, given that he's fed and changed. I taught him how to fall asleep on his own, but even that was heartbreaking at first. Letting him cry for five to ten minutes is hard enough but when I hear someone else say that you should pick your baby up every time he cries, just about puts me in tears.

I feel guilty for not taking enough family photos and missing his first laugh  Not taking a video of his first cry or whatever else important may have happened and I didn't have camera on hand.

I feel guilty for wanting to leave him (at mere four months old) with my sister, so hubby and I could go away for a few days. Although it didn't happen, people look at me with shock for not wanting to take the baby along with us. I feel guilty for being so selfish.

I feel guilty for forgetting to pick up my baby from the nursery the very first Sunday we went to church. I mean, who forgets they have a newborn? Apparently I do.

I feel guilty for wanting to go to work and not just be stay-home wife and mama. I hear people say that I should just enjoy him right now, which I absolutely do. Though, at times, I need to feel like I'm a grown adult with other interests besides what color his poop is or what new food should I try feeding him.. 

I feel guilty for not having enough patience with him when he just wouldn't eat those peaches; or when he doesn't want to go to sleep according to my schedule; or when his whining is driving me nuts. 

I feel guilty for getting too busy and not taking time to pray. To pray for my family, my little boy, for wisdom and guidance because I sure need it.

I feel guilty for not playing with him when I have chores to do, or simply not getting home for his bed time. 

I feel guilty for not spending enough time with hubby and constantly focusing on Jonathan. Even our conversations come down to what I do during the day and how long Jonathan naps.

All these things are every day challenges that mothers (read: I) face and I'm sure I'm not the only one. 

Or am I? Please tell me I'm not, so I can stop thinking that I'm crazy.

 With all the perfectly edited and filtered Instagram baby pictures (they don't have any food on their little bow ties and their hair is perfectly combed), I think it's time to get real. 

Life isn't perfect and we all have to deal with issues, we are all in the same boat. It's good to know that you are not the only one dealing with challenges and storm of emotions running through your postpartum body. That other mamas too give their babies formula, let them cry it out, play by themselves, don't have enough time for anything, forget their baby in the nursery, can't wait for 8 o'clock and want to escape the house sometimes. 

God has been teaching me patience. He has also been humbling me big time, showing me that I'm just like everyone else, that I don't have it all together, that I need Him every day. More then ever. 

At the end of the day, I pray God will guide me through and help me do my best. Although, when I don't succeed at times, there's always tomorrow and He will be there too.