Jonathan //6 months//

Daddy's teaching you to stand strong and tall

Celebrating your cousin's birthday. All pink and not sure it all. Poor guy.

Handsome little dude. #toomuchcutenessinoneface

I honestly didn't see this day coming so soon. It's your half birthday! Should we get a half of cake? Since you can't have any, we will enjoy something delicious on your behalf dear. 

So 6 months...Where did the time go!?

I remember trying to teach you how to latch on and now I'm stuffing that face with green beans, which you still aren't huge fan of.

Dear boy, you are growing way too fast and yet not soon enough.

You are such a happy baby, I can't believe how many fears I had about having a child but you have proved a lot of them wrong. 

You sleep like a champ, eat like a hungry monkey and enjoy playing by yourself. Now that I know you more and what ever cry, wine and smirk means - life is becoming easier. I don't worry that you will be screaming your lungs out in Walmart or that you won't take the bottle and I will have to nurse you right there in cereal isle. It's like we have our own rhythm and get along very well.

Of course, you have your days and I have my moments but over all, you are one easy-going baby. 

You are rolling all over the floor and sitting up a little too. You love your cereal and don't mind the bottle. But most of all, you still love to nurse and actually will get kind of cranky if you don't get a nursing session in any given 5 hours. And there I thought you will be weaned by 6 months. Yeah, so that didn't happen.

You have the most adorable and contagious laugh I have ever heard and yet most of the time, you are one serious fella. Every grandma loves you but you get very shy around strangers and turn away with a cute smile. Such a heartbreaker already!

You are ever so curious and love looking around, going for long walks and exploring new surfaces and places. You are also a lot more sociable and don't cling to me all the time, which is good when I have to leave you in the nursery during church services. You are fascinated with all the kids there and I'm pretty sure soon it will be your favorite place.

We had a small struggle with getting you used to falling asleep in your crib during the day. You have such a stubborn personality already and a very strong will but finally you got used to it. Now if I see you getting tired and rubbing your eyes, all I have to do is give you a bottle and put you in the crib where you fall asleep all on your own. Such a smart kid. 

It's such a fun time watching you take everything in and explore this new and exciting world. 

Daddy and I love you very much.

We pray for you to grow big and strong, to know God and love others.

Happy half a birthday son!

Babies Make Your Heart Grow Softer

 

Once you have a kid, everything changes. I mean, everything. 

Your priorities shift, or at least they should.
You start asking people where they bought their strollers and begin thinking about what you are going to leave to your kids after you are gone.

Most of all, though, you change your perspective on child rearing.

Before you have kid(s) their cry seems endless, their whining annoying and their smiles - dorky. After you have a kid of your own, it seems that every cry is a call for help, every whine is just cute babble and every smile is pure joy.

Then you realize what you think you know about raising kids and advice you offer has zero ground, no matter how many parenting books you read. You don't know squat.

You start getting more patient, kind, soft spoken, caring and gentle. 

You stop judging other moms in the grocery store whose kids are having a melt down. 

You stop giving looks to parents whose kids don't want to eat anything except hot dogs and cereal.

You don't look down on mothers who bribe their kids with cellphones and ice cream.

You don't roll your eyes at moms who breastfeed for two years because their child refuses to wean.
You don't judge mothers those don't breastfeed at all.

You don't criticize parents who can't go to public places with their chillins.

You don't because you understand, for the very first time, actually how hard this parenting thing is, how much it changes who you are.

These little chubby, adorable human make you softer. 

They bend and twist your heart in the ways you haven't imagined before. 

They make your heart ache when you are away from them.

They make you cry when they cry.

They melt your heart with their smiles.

They make your heart skip a beat with every milestone.

Babies. They are true God-given blessings.
And they make your heart grown softer with every passing day.

How Far Are You Willing To Go To Please Your Man

Get your mind out of the gutter. I'm not talking about any shades or any gray nonsense here but what you are willing to do within reason to be attractive to your man. 

I may sound old-fashioned and anti-feminist but I've been thinking about this a lot lately. 

Who do women dress for? Do we dress to stay attractive to our men or do we buy designer labels and try to fit into size 2 dresses just to show off to other women? 

Hubby tends to think it's the later and lately I've been inclined to think that too.

Let me back up a bit.

Ever since I got pregnant, my body started changing and taking some unwanted forms (hello stretch marks?). Unwanted is a very understated word. Those changes were hated with passion.
 Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful to bring a life into this world. Only it wasn't so wonderful to see my body take a hit and show clear signs of aging. I've complained and lamented over my baby weight to my hubby a few times too many. 

He kept saying that I'm even more beautiful to him, that he loved my body as it was and on and on. Sounds like a sweet guy eh? Well, did I believe him? Of course, not. 

I wanted to fit into size 2. I wanted to show other gals at church that I've lost all my baby weight. I wanted to wear a-line skirts for goodness sake. I wanted to wear all the latest blogger fashion hits (leather pants anyone?). I wanted to wear my hair in a top-knot, without it accentuating my filled in cheeks. 

But it wasn't happening soon enough.

After an honest conversation with hubby,  reading this post and couple girlfriends on this topic, couple things became very clear.

Men don't care about latest fashion.

Men don't care about size.  

When a wife is dressed nice, a husband isn't going to ask her where she got that hot dress that accentuates her size 8 curves from. He will pay her a compliment. He will tell her she looks sexy. 

The end of story. 

Well, maybe the story continues but behind closed doors ;-)

Women on the other hand? A whole different story.

Women care about the labels.

Women care about the latest trend

Women care about the price tag

And most of all, women care about what other women will say/think about them.
Don't deny it. You know it's true.

We, the female species, know that men are very easy to please. As long as men are fed and their women look good (whatever that entails for your man),  have some sexy time (ya know what I mean?) they are set for life. Yep that's all.

So if you know that your man doesn't care about J.Crew, loves to see you in heels, can't stand the top-knot and has an aversion to giant jewelry (i.e. statement necklace), would you give it all up?

 Or would you still wear/not wear it?

There is a fine line between being a total pleaser and loosing your own identity and someone who loves dressing for your husband because, well, he is the one who matters the most. Doesn't he?

It's about giving and receiving. If you want your man to give you what you want, fulfill your emotional needs and love you the way you need to be loved, it's probably a good idea to listen to his advice on your looks.
It matters to him. A lot. 

I can see how this would bother a lot of women. 'He should love me the way I am' and 'Forget it, I'm not giving up my__________' is the attitude that comes naturally.
This is what is meant by marriage being hard work, a lot of compromise and sometimes sacrifice and submission (oh no! not that word)
. Bending your own will to please someone you love isn't a sign of weakness, or giving in to male's chauvinistic domination but a sign of maturity and true love.

Isn't it what we, ladies, really want? 
I'm just sayin.

What She Wore

For a first time mama and fashionista like me, it's a bit challenging to find the balance between comfort and style. Comfortable fabrics, no fuss tops, minimal jewelry and closet staples are my go-to pieces when getting dressed. Check out these must-haves in any mama's closet.

- you've got to have plenty of tees, as they go with everything and can be dressed up or down, with skirt, shorts or pants

- a maxi dress when you simply don't have energy to dress up is a must for any mama

- chambray shirt goes with everything

- pair of comfy, appropriate length shorts

- a small floral cross-body satchel that's sure to dress up any plain outfit

- have to have jeans (in light wash for summer months)

-  cute floral dress for going to dinner with hubs or having friends over for bbq

- protect your eyes from sunshine with these cute cateye sunglasses

- when you need to go up the stairs carrying that car seat, or chasing your little one down the street you need to be wearing cute pair of nude flats

- maxi skirts are like grown up fancy pajamas that hide unshaved legs

- when it's hot and got lots to do it's sandals time

- having a little ones means they will be tugging and pulling on your statement jewelry left and right, so a simple bracelet is a way to go 

- last but not least, dress up any good ole t-shirt with a scarf that has a fun print and you are ready to go

Hope you are having a great week!

Jonathan // Four Months//

Oh my, how the time flies!

Dear Jonathan...

You are four months old and growing like a weed. So many things are changing, so many things are happening.

My dear boy, sometime in the last four months I managed to fall in love with you. I love you more then anything else in the world. You are my baby boy. 

It was hard for me to say that I loved you when you were first born because love is something that grows over time, something that needs constant attention and care. I've nursed, changed, bathed, rocked, burped, carried, kissed, held you since the day you were born, but only now I realize how much I love you.

You definitely have a calm personality and very content to be in one place for some time. Although you absolutely love looking around and always inspect everything with your curious gaze. 

We dubbed you Curious George.

You are very patient. When I need to get boogers out of your nose, you don't even make a peep. Just hold your breath for a little bit while I do it and bounce your heels on the bed. Such a trooper. 

You love taking baths and excitedly move your feet, splashing the water. If you are a little fussy, all I have to do is draw a bath and you quiet right down. 

You went through a growth spurt last week and let me tell you, I'm so grateful that you've been sleeping through the night all those months. Only couple of days waking up every two hours wiped me out. I don't know how those mamas do it for several  months. I'm so blessed and you are such a good kid.

You do not like the car seat but as soon as I start driving, it's all good. 

You haven't been sick or allergic to anything which is a great blessing.

It's interesting to watch you on your play mat, as you try to reach and grab toys - always such a serious face. You don't like strangers and only want your mama, but you started smiling at grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins recently. 

My mom's neighbor wanted to look at your chubby little face and peeked into the car while you were inside and you got scared. Started crying for real - with tears. I felt bad for the lady who wasn't sure what she did wrong and didn't want to tell her that you are such a scared little monkey. Gotta toughen you up a little, boy!

You are still eating like a champ - 2-3 hours during the day and sleeping through the night. You love nursing and nothing comes in place of a boob for you. Can't fool you with water or pacifier either.

I gave you a little oatmeal cereal to try and you weren't thrilled about it but then gobbled it up. Also, black currant juice with water was kind of sour; you made the cutest face but kept drinking it. So funny.

You love when I play with you and blow raspberries on your time while I'm changing your diaper. You roll from your tummy on your back and from your back to your front, which is pretty impressive in your age. You have a real laugh now and a super deep voice. Your baby talk is more of an old man complaining about his arthritis babble and it's super adorable. 

You are not fussy and very easy going, and a huge blessing in our lives.

Daddy and I love you. 

Leading By Example

A leader leads by example, whether he intends to or not.

Ever since I got pregnant, I've been thinking a lot more about what kind of example I'm going to be for my kids. Am I going to be the kind of parent my children will follow and be proud of? Or the one they want to stick in the back of the family album and be embarrassed of at the family reunions?

We talk a lot about teaching our children to do right.

To respect their peers.

To honor their elders.

To love their neighbors.

To fear the Lord.

To esteem their heritage.

To obey the authority.

To love their spouse.

To cherish the youngsters.

To protect this God-given Earth.

And that's all fine and good and very necessary. As parents we have the responsibility to raise those little ones into mature, responsible adults with solid moral values.

The best way to do that is to teach by example.

You can spend your days drilling, talking and lecturing your children about what is good, wholesome and right but if you yourself isn't doing any of it - it's not worth a  single penny.
Your actions speak louder then your words.

You have to be respectful to your mean boss, without talking trash behind his back.

You need to honor your parents and grandparents, landing them them a helping hand when they need assistance in their old age.

You need to love those who gossip about you, mean to you at the grocery store and take your pew on Sunday morning.

Those who take advantage of your kindness and take your parking spot at the mall. Those who don't respect your space and privacy, and who don't ask for forgiveness. Love them.

You need to show your children how to fear God and honor Him with your life. How to be an example to this world without judging those who aren't doing right. How to be a genuine Christian and nevermind occasional hypocrisy and hate.

You need to appreciate where you've come from and who you are. No matter the race, ethnicity and color without putting anyone else down.

You need to obey the laws that are put in place by the government, even if at times they seem ridiculous and the authorities aren't truthful.

You need to protect the littlest children from the cruelty and hate in this world, showering them with  abundant love.

You need to protect this Earth for future generations and be thankful for sunshine and rain, for beauty of flower and depth of an ocean.

You must be what you want your children to become.

Favorite Photo

This post is part of Blog Everyday In May Challenge

Day 17, Friday: A favorite photo of yourself and why

As I was looking through the many pictures I have saved on my computer, I couldn't decide on the favorite. I asked my husband if he had a favorite picture of me and he said that no one picture describes me. And that's very true. 

All pictures have stories behind them. They are all telling something. 

And this one speaks volumes.

It's a favorite pictures of myself, as of  right now. 

It shows one of the most important roles I'm going to play in my life.

I'm about to become a mama.

I love the cute little belly and the nice colors.

I also can't help but notice the fondness with which I gaze at this new life forming inside of me.

It's so precious that my heart almost aches.

It also brings back many memories of long pillow talks with hubby about our future and our boy.

The many fears and uncertainties and reminds me how blessed I am.

Right now. This very moment.

And I can't help but to thank the Lord above for giving me this wonderful life, many blessings, 

a loving husband and my little boy.

P.S. Head over to Always Maylee to see my guest post...

Jonathan //Three Months//

Dear boy,

I can't believe how fast time flies...

I can't believe how fast you are growing and changing...

You are a cute chunker and there isn't a day going by that I don't marvel at your sweet little face. You are so curious and love to explore. You love when I'm walking around with you facing the world - it's fascinating to watch you intensely inspect everything around you. 

You love chewing your fists and won't take a pacifier instead. Even though I don't mind you exploring your little hands, I don't want you to suck your thumb, so I'm on look out for that.

Also, you started reaching and grabbing things. When you lay on the floor play mat, you reach for the toy and hit it so it starts spinning, then you do it again. I think you understand what you have to do to get the toys moving. 

I love your cute babble. It has got to be the cutest babble talk out there! When I change your diaper in the morning, you just want to talk and talk and tell me all about your troubles. It's so sweet! 

When I'm blowing raspberries on your tummy you laugh. It's a real genuine laugh and not just some squeals which makes it such a precious time just for the two of us. 

One thing you don't like is noisy people. We had some relatives over and you just didn't like being smothered and carried by others. But as soon as everyone left, you were sitting in the swing and making googly sounds and smiling  Go figure! Although, you do very well in the nursery. 

We went out to eat for Mother's Day and you didn't make a peep, yet the day before we were hanging out at your grandparents and you were such a stinker. It seems that everyday is different and there isn't a set pattern with you.

You didn't like tummy time and would get really mad (read cry) when I put you on your belly. But it's good for you baby so you are getting better at it. Now you really try to lift your head up high but I think it's kind of heavy so I understand - it takes a lot of work.

Honestly, I couldn't ask for a better kid. You sleep through the night and eat well. Rarely have any colic and don't mind being in the swing for hours - you love falling asleep in it. 

I'm so blessed to be celebrating Mother's Day as your mama and thank God everyday for such a blessing in my life. You truly are God's gift and I love you!

Celebrate Mothers {Gift Guide}

elegant women's Emporio Armani watch
sleek and bright Kate Spade NY wallet
rose gold pave bracelet 
cat eye DKNY sunglasses
leather neon envelope clutch
gorumet rose petal petits fours

Mother's Day is just around the corner and for some of us, it's a last minute shopping spree, where we frantically run from store to store trying to find something special. 

Thankfully, I have already got our moms (my mom and MIL) something very special (read: photobook of Jonathan's baby pictures. Awwwwww.), so I'm all set. Although a box of gourmet chocolates and bouquet of fresh flowers is a must. 

So for those of you who haven't picked up a gift for mom, or the woman in your life who you consider to be your mom, or that first time mama who is over the moon in love with her baby, or the tired and worn out mama, who hasn't had a day off in ages - here's a gift guide that will please them all.

 Including myself. //hoping hubby is reading this//

This weekend is all about honoring the women in your life who do so much, who sacrifice and give. And give. Let them know how much you appreciate their care and constant unending labor of love. 

Mothers. They do so much! They deserve a day in a year all to themselves! 

Have a great weekend! 

P.S. And don't forget a card. She will love those thoughtful little details.

Casual Mommyform

top: Old Navy (similar), cords: Land's End, flats: Target, tote: Gap

Since becoming a mom, flats, cords (love those things) and easy-to-throw-on tops, that give easy access to merchandise,  have become kind of my thing. Especially if I have a million places to go to. 

Between groceries, dry cleaners, bank and post office it's a lot of times in and out of the car WITH the car seat. I have to get out of the car, take the car seat out, haul it with me, come back, put the seat back, all while making sure Jonathan is not too hot or cold. 

You mommies out there know the drill. 

So as you can tell, heels have become more of a Sunday thing - going to church all dressed up while hubby carries the stupid thing. 

Jonathan is growing fast and it's already hard for me to get up two flights of stairs from the garage to our main floor, with my purse and his diaper bag. (I actually consolidated the two recently) 

 Thankfully, places like Old Navy, Forever21 and Target are selling some cute flats and clothes that I don't have to worry about being too neat (i'm still a perfectionist and a neat freak).

So here I go sporting my mommyform, conveniently having nowhere to go today. 

Wait, I think I need stamps.

Have yourself a great weekend!

You Don't Know Until You've Been There.

It's amazing how fast time flies.

Although I have learned a lot in the last two and a half months of motherhood, one thing is for sure - you cannot say you will do this or that, or know better when you haven't had children, or experienced exactly the same situation, or had 'that' kid. 

 Until you've been there. 

Until you've done everything possible to have natural delivery and ended up with C-section.

Until you've been through the sleepless nights and colicky cries.

Until you've tried everything to calm the baby and it just seems that nothing works. 

Until you've stood over his crib trying to put him to sleep and he just wants to smile and play with you.
Until you've realized that all he wants is to be on your chest.

Until you've heard every kind of cry and KNOW what your baby needs at them moment.

Until you tried to introduce the bottle so you can leave him for more then two hours but he wouldn't take it.

Until you've followed the schedule and failed.

Until you've tried to nurse but the baby just won't take the breast but does fine with the bottle.

Until you've lost your milk supply very early on and hated that you had to switch to formula.

Until you've tried to give the formula but baby refuses.

Until you've realized that babies are people, and people have bad days. 

As friends, family members and just acquaintances, I think we all have offered advice in one form or another. 

But until you've at least been there, you can't say what works and what doesn't. 

And even then, all babies are different. 

Some want to be held all the time, others are completely satisfied without being smothered. 

Some want to eat every 2 hours for the first year of their life, others sleep through the night at one month old.

Some take pacifier, others like to suck on their thumb.

Some will be potty trained by 8 months, others still wet their pants at 3 years old. 

Honestly, every mother has her own struggles and until you've been there, until you've had that child, until you've tried everything under the sun, you have no idea what you would do.

So let's stop judging (which I'm guilty of as well) and start encouraging because God knows, we need it the most.

We, mothers, need to support and encourage each other in the fine job that we are doing, because we all know that it's hard enough without being criticized every step of the way.

Brutiful Reality

Here is behind the scenes look.

"I just want to have that boob already" 
Parents trying to take pictures when baby wants to have lunch 

 "Stop with the pictures and take me out of this stupid 
car seat already" 
Pictures after a long ride in the car 

"I was cute and cuddly, and I wore your stupid bowtie Ma, 
now can we get this over with?" 
Too many pictures when everyone wants to hold the baby 

 "Seriously folks! You put me into a jacket and a collared 
shirt and expect me to like it?"
 Taking pictures after a long day at church and out  

It's not always pretty.

Sometimes, babies don't make those adorable, precious and beautiful pictures happen.

Babies have a mind of their own and absolutely no schedule.

Parents are trying to go by the clock and babies... well, who knows what they go by. Mostly, the positioning of the moon and their hungry tummies.

When the two try to co-exist in one world, life gets messy.

And I am a real mama trying to navigate in the midst of dirty diaper, couple sleepless nights and an always-hungry stomach in high heels and couple designer handbags.

My life is not a perfect Instagram picture.

My life is sometimes brutal and always amazingly beautiful.

It's Brutiful.

And I love it. Well, Most of the time.

Have a great weekend!

//Jonathan// Two Months

Dear boy,

you are eight weeks old now and I don't know whether to count every four weeks from the day you were born or just the 13th of every month, I mean it's just a technicality.

You are growing oh so fast and changing almost every day. 

You started smiling and love to 'talk' to us. Whenever I start baby talk you focus your eyes on my face and try so hard to imitate what I'm doing with my mouth.

I love that toothless grin.

You have the most adorable babble talk, especially when I hear your daddy talking to you, as he's changing your diaper. For one, daddy takes his sweet time with you and really gets into it. It's so sweet.

You finally discovered the sheep mobile over your crib and love staring at it but I'm not sure it works to make you sleepy. 

You are nursing every two-three hours during the day which sometimes seems like you are always feeding (but that's only good for mommy's getting-back-into-shape ordeal. thanks buddy). On the other hand you sleep about five-six hours a night. So I'll take it.

I'm still trying to figure out which foods make you colicky and so far eggs and almost all greens are to be limited in my intake. 

We went out to eat once after church and you were such a good boy. An older couple sitting at an adjacent table was mesmerized by your cuteness. And who could blame them?

Then we went out with entire familia and you weren't thrilled, plus mommy forgot your paci. Sorry bud. I guess you don't like Greek food.

Also, we blessed you in church with pastor praying for you. It was a dear moment for us as parents.

I think in the last eight weeks we sort of got you used to being held a lot. You do not like to lay for long time and after about twenty minutes demand to be picked up.

That's going to have to change with some gentle discipline.

You do like to sit in a swing though which is, of course, a life saver.

You are one cute kid and we absolutely adore you.

I just wish you didn't have to grow up so quick.

They Say

sweater, bag: H&M, cords: Lands End, shoes: Nine West

They say that surviving the first month with a newborn is the hardest part of parenting. They would know.
They also say that it's the hardest going from no kids to one. Then it gets easier they say. 

First they say to put the baby to sleep on his tummy. Then couple years later they go ahead and change it. Now they say that baby should always be sleeping on his back.

They say that you need to sterilize the water every time you bathe an infant up until he's three months old.

They say that you should definitely give co-sleeping a try. It's the way nursing was meant to be.

But then they say that the only place the baby should be sleeping in is his own crib.

They say that teaching baby to sleep through the night will decrease the milk supply.

Then they go on to say that children need schedule and disciple from the day one. 

Who are they? 

And why do they have so much to say?!
Why is it always something different?

They are your mothers, sisters, aunts, friends, other bloggers, experts, parenting books, lactation consultants and neighbors. They are the people behind you at the check out counter in the store and and your pediatrician.

They say what they know and only want the best. 

In the world of expert advice and sea of parenting books it's hard to navigate. 

But as mothers we have to make tough decisions and stick with them, standing up for what we believe in. So when they say something again, take the best and throw out the rest.

P.S. This video says it all. Must watch for all parents.
Too funny not to laugh

This Guy

Jonathan recognized his daddy right away. Awake and alert when hubby was talking to him.
Amazing! 

I just want to take a minute here and brag about this guy a little. The bigger of two. I suppose there are many mushy and overly lovely-dovey blog articles flying all over the net but here is another one.

Bear with me.

First of all, I love this guy. 

His ability to make me laugh. 

His willingness to be there for me. Every time.

His strong beliefs and unwavering convictions.

His few wise words.

His adorable, most sweetest baby talk to our son.

His willingness to sacrifice for our family.

His ability to notice the little things.

His ability to do those little things that matter the most.

His lion-like guard of our family. Of me. Of our boy.

His ability to say the sweetest, most meaningful things looking deep into my eyes, taking my breath away. 

But most of all, his natural ability as a father.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I couldn't keep it in. I had these great plans in mind of how I would tell him, but I was in such a shock that it was written all over my face. I had a storm of emotions and a hurricane of thoughts going through me but he was there to let me pour my emotions out.

Mind you, he's not the kind of guy that will be jumping up and down with excitement but he will rejoices in quiet of his heart. 

Then the very first ultrasound he was with me. And the second and third. I mean, this guy has been with me every step of the way. 

Then when it was time to make the tough decision - induction or no induction - he was so supportive. He didn't rush me or push me towards a decision. He was ever so patient and understanding of my battling mind and never ending "I don't know".

Once in the delivery room he was on the edge of his seat (I could tell) although he breathed tranquil spirit. He calmed me and constantly reminded of my breathing and relaxation techniques. 

Then came the moment.

Moment he became a father. 

Like with everything, he accepted our son with calm adoration and was present every single moment of the day ever since. 

As a right of passage first diaper was on daddy ;-)

Now that we settled into our new life and living with a baby in the house has become somewhat familiar, I realized how much he actually means to me. How I couldn't do it all without him. Without his sweet words of encouragement and reassurance. 

He truly is my rock.

Of course, he isn't perfect and there are days when he annoys me and drives me up the wall but I wouldn't have it any other way. 

Our life isn't perfect. We have our ups and downs. 

We may not have it altogether but together we have it all.

//Jonathan// One Month

Technically you were one month yesterday but mama was super busy and you were super cranky,
so here it goes.
I want to take the time to remember you little dude.

. I don't want the time to go by and forget what your sweet little face looked like at every stage of the game. 

You are so precious.

You are definitely every bit a boy.

You are a tough little guy. When I change your diaper in the middle of the night, you brave the cold wipes and don't even cry. Just make these cute groans while looking at me with your big wide-open eyes.

You are not so sleepy anymore and like to be awake a little bit longer. 

I'm still not sure if your like your bouncy seat but I think you for sure don't like the vibration option. You don't mind the birds chirping though.

You are such a cuddler. You would cuddle with me all day long and sleep on my chest without ever picking your head up. I would love to, dear, but I do too have to tinkle sometimes. 

You are a good sleeper. Five to six hours at night easily which makes my job easier.

You are quit serious and make some adorable faces with your crooked brows.

I love that you are getting some major cheeks. I kiss them a lot.

And those little fingers. I mean, so tiny and so precious.

I have discovered today that you don't like to sleep in just a onesie - you love to be swaddled tight.

Bath time is amazing. You grunt and groan but never cry while waving your little fists in the air.

Lastly, you love riding in the car and fall asleep the moment we get in. 

I think you are doing pretty well for being brand new, while we try to figure you out. It will take some time, but bear with us, the newly made parents. We too need some time to get the hang of this parenting thing because you know what, it's quit difficult at times. 

But together we make a great team.

We love you and can't wait to see you grow. 

Being a Mommy

So this is what happens to a tired, worn out, didn't-get-any-sleep-last-night mommy. Hubby was off yesterday and I had a line up of outfits I wanted to snap for next week but was soooo tired. Around five o'clock when the lighting is perfect for pictures, I could not move. 

Dead tired.

Must.keep.eyes.closed.

Somehow I managed to shower, visit with a friend, whip up some breakfast and even bake a banana bread all in one day. Whoa! 

Not that I'm trying to pat myself on the back or anything

Well, maybe a little

The childless me used to wonder what do women who stay at home do with their all that free time they have. Surely, you can get so much done. Now I know.

You can't get much of anything done. 

Time just flies and days seem to pass in a blur while you wonder when was the last time you brushed your teeth or ate something.

Thinking about this made me admire women in my life even more. I applaud all those gorgeous girls who while having children manage to look good (that constitutes taking a shower), put a dinner on the table (anything besides fish sticks) and have a life outside of home (be that a job, church or just social club).

So today is your Day lovelies. 

You deserve a day all to yourself with some flowers and maybe a bubble bath without someone pulling at your leg, crying for your boob or tagging at your hand. 

Enjoy!

The Birth Story

This picture was taken right before we headed out to the hospital. 

I mean, how much bigger can you get when he kid is getting over-baked?

Not much more. 

I have been laying sleepless through couple nights thinking if I wanted to share this part of my life. I am a private person (with a personal life style blog, I know), and want to keep some of the very intimate and private details of this to myself  But I do want to share the incredible experience that brought my son into this world. (I still can't believe I'm saying the words 'my son')

As you may know I was overdue. I mean seven days isn't that long but it felt like an eternity to me. 

My last sonogram showed that he was 8lb and 13oz which isn't always accurate and usually +/- a pound. It's the plus side I was afraid off. There are many risks to waiting up to two weeks past due date but we know that babies don't go by our time. They just have a mind of their own. 

I was struggling between waiting him out couple more days and taking all those risks, or going for induction and taking more risks. Either way, it wasn't going to be an easy decision. 

Hubby was leaving the decision in my hands but after talking it through and praying, we decided to get the show on the road. 

On the way to the hospital my heart was racing and I had butterflies in my stomach.

So there was checking in and settling in, getting all the important info down and checked by the doctor. My cervix wasn't ripe enough, so that was the first step at 4pm. The medication was supposed to take about 12 hours to work and the next morning I would be ready for Pitocin ( I was not ready for it).

But my body decided otherwise. By 9pm my water broke and contractions were 2-3min apart by 11 pm. I was dilating very fast, so there was no time like the present to ask for epidural. 

Yes, I'm a big chicken. Hubby says I yelled pretty loud when contractions hit. The pain of the needle in your back is nothing compared to those awful contractions. 

So I got the epidural just in time because by 3am I was fully dilated and effaced, ready to push. 

That's when the trouble came.

Our baby didn't want to come out. He was fighting me with all his might, because his heart rate dropped half of what it was supposed to be only after three pushes. Doctor thought maybe it would jump up once I wasn't pushing but it was taking him long time to recover. 

          More of the same and she said that I will have to push for a while and he isn't tolerating the labor. 

But he had to come out. 

I cried. We cried. I begged to let me wait him out a little and maybe he will decide to show up. She did.

Forty five minutes later, the same story. 

So basically, there was no choice - push and risk him having brain damage or C-Section. 

I cried more, while they were rolling me into OR.

By 4:43 am he was born - healthy, happy and very alert. 

By 5-ish I was holding him in my arms and nursing my little man. Still in shock of what has happened, exhausted but happy.

More tears, more joy, more happiness.

Still happening to this day.

Mama Hurts, So You Don't Have To

We are home now. We are trying to nurse. As in, Jonathan is doing well - eating a lot, pooping even more but it's mama who's in pain. Let me just lay it out there. Breastfeeding hurts. A LOT. Supposedly, it doesn't when you get the latch right, but how do you make a newborn open his mouth as wide as his face? It's not a pleasant feeling - so far lots of pain and biting my lips so I wouldn't cry.But it's getting better. Slooowly.

I've always believed that nursing is a natural and most beautiful thing but it sure doesn't feel that way yet.
It takes a lot of practice and right now we are not very good at it.

Let's be honest, your boobs (there I said it) weren't sucked on, tugged and pulled at ever before and now they have to stand that abuse every 2-3 hours. Whoah! 

I want only the best for my little boy and willing to suffer through this but at 3 am when I'm clenching my teeth and trying not to take the precious food source out of his mouth (which he utterly enjoys, judging by the suckling sounds he makes), I feel like quitting.
But then I look at his precious little face and remember that only I can give him the best start in life. Only I can provide the precious nutrition, love and care and no one else.
It's hard but it's ohhh so worth it.

Motherhood is tough and there is nothing in the world that's so difficult and rewarding at the same time.

My Little Valentine

The sweetest Valentine's Day gift I have ever gotten

I'm back... and I can't believe how much my life has changed in these last couple of days. 

My mind keeps thinking, 'can you believe it'? 

You are a mommy now. 

The AMAZING feeling that knocks the socks off your feet and makes your head spin while you body is reminding you of the earth-shattering, mind-blowing, most painful experience of your entire life. There are no words to describe the pain, the back ache, the fear of unknown and the unpredictable. But you were made for this. For this role as a mom. 

It's unbelievable how much I love this little guy of mine. Right now, I'm an emotional mess, so every little crooked smile, every raised eyebrow, every dirty diaper and little wink makes my heart sink. 

I can't believe he is mine. Still. It's so surreal. 

Between the all-nightly feedings and burps, diaper changes and swaddling - time flies so fast. It seems like life just took on a pair of wings and determined to take me to his college graduation in one single breath. So I'm enjoying it. Every minute of it. This perfect, little, most adorable Valentine that stole my heart.